Radiogurl a la Carte

Friday, Jan. 21, 2005
I Want Whine With That Cheese

If it were possible to cannonize a day of the week, Friday would almost certainly make the grade. Is there any day more hallowed, particularly when 5 o'clock rolls around? Is there any more cause for celebration, any more universal lifting of the spirits? I think not. At least not in my life, not this week!

Yes, I realize it's been several days since I updated. I'm semi-comatose today, so cannot promise how lucid this entry will ultimately be. Gotta love yet more extra work and stress, right?

A couple of interesting things have happened over the course of the past couple of days.

I received another phone call from the magazine editor. While I was assured - repeatedly - that the magazine still considering my story, they don't know how much longer before they actually get around to making a decision. (Now there's a recommendation to submit more.) I got a fuzzy story about them working on the July stuff - unclear whether they meant they're now working on what was submitted in July of last year (which is when I submitted) or if they're constructing their July 2005 issue.

I obviously didn't have the opportunity to talk much but the editor commented that my work was very, very good. I thanked her and commented that I enjoyed writing it, adding that I do write professionally but prior to this it's strictly news (at least in terms of my professional experience.) She came back that I should write more in that genre. (For someone who asked, the story I submitted is a light comedy-romance. Most DEFINITELY not my normal style, even when I write fiction. I wrote it on a dare from a friend who swears I can write romance. I've always maintained I can't write romance worth a fig. It figures: she's now gloating, pointing, and saying, "I told you so!")

Anywho, the gist of things is that the actual cash is still perfectly nebulous, which put a damper on my hopes of using it to purchase a vehicle, at least for the forseeable future.

But to steal a line from Paul Harvey, "And now for the rest of the story..."

Boss actually paid me for the vacation time I won't be able to take. And he not only paid me double the amount of time I was expecting, he asked in apologetic tones if that that was okay with me. (Well, um, no. I'm going to complain about getting more money, sure, yeah. Just give me less cash and nobody gets hurt.) It doesn't make up for the fact that I can't get a single day off, but there's really nothing I can do about that, now, is there? So while I don't have quite $1000 in hand, I have nearly enough that by watching carefully I'll be able to make up the difference within the next couple of weeks or thereabouts.

I obviously can't get a great car for that but I believe I can get a decent one for somewhere in that range. It's got to be better than the death-trap that's falling to pieces around me now. Besides which, it will be mine, for better or worse. I get to fix it when it goes buh-bye, and I get to go buh-bye when I'm ready and take it with me. I think I can live with that two-edged sword, particularly since the bus depot in town is closing down. So without even a bus line, having my own vehicle is the ONLY way out of town going forward, unless I hitchhike. And don't think I haven't considered it, particularly lately!

Boss knows I'm about to walk out of here for good. He's now bending over backward to try and placate me. He's given me the extra cash, given me some expensive software for my home computer, etc., etc. Just not time off or benefits or a realistic paycheck. And I don't buy into the temporary veneer of respect. I remember the trailer trash comment, babeee...

However, I think what really shook him up was the fact that the magazine called here, not once, but twice. Obviously he knows I can write, but I think it clicked with him that I can write. Potentially to the point of making an actual living at it, vs. an allowance in the guise of a salary. (And I'm not enlightening him there, haha!) There was no missing the expression on his face after I got off the phone with the editor. It was the most shell-shocked I'd ever seen him, and that's saying a lot. I'd told him a while back that I'd submitted something and at the time, he gave me the verbal equivalent of a pat on the head at the time. THAT attitude went the way of the Edsel with the first call. It wasn't even a subtle transition. I think something flipped a switch in his brain and a light went on.

I'm not stupid. I know I'm still a small-potatoes nobody in nowhere, USA. But I have also worked too hard to still be scraping for survival, and built too much of a professional portfolio to pretend that my current situation is in any way acceptable. Heck, my current position wouldn't be acceptable for an entry-level clerk. It's intolerable.

It's still nice to dream that things are finally about to change for the better. I simply reserve the right not to celebrate until I have something more concrete than yet more vague promises!

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )