Radiogurl a la Carte

Wednesday, Feb. 02, 2005
Hot Stuff

I'm still at work tonight, though (I think) I'm nearly done. Just waiting for the server to finish up so I can switch it over. Boss went to buy something to eat and he volunteered to get something for me. I wasn't going to argue considering I've done 11 hours now and have another six or seven once I finally get to go home.

Though I think I'll try to write my news stories tonight before I leave here so all I have to do is record them when I get home. I guess I could produce them here, too, but I don't know if the production room is free and don't know if I want to mess with it. Right now the idea of going home and changing into something comfy sounds mighty appealing.

There's a lot going on but it's all work related and I'm too tired to post it, so for the moment I'll just throw out some state truisms. 99 percent of these really aren't exaggerations.

You Know You're From Arizona When...

  • You've signed so many petitions to recall governors you can't remember the name of the incumbent.

  • You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

  • You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

  • You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

  • You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.

  • You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour, and it will be over 100 degrees.

  • You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.

  • You can make sun tea instantly.

  • You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.

  • The best parking is determined by shade, not distance.

  • You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.

  • Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

  • It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.

  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.*

  • Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.

  • You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.

  • Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them.

  • Worse, some fools actually try to jog.

  • You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.

  • No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.

  • You see two trees fighting over a dog.

  • You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.

  • You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.

  • You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.

  • You can pronounce Saguaro, Tempe, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, and Cholla.

  • You can understand the reason for a town named Why.

  • You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!

  • You hear people say "but it's a DRY heat!"

  • You buy salsa by the gallon.

  • Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.

  • You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

  • All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.

  • You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.

  • Most of the restaurants in town have the first name El or Los.

  • You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.

  • Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

  • Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

  • Most homes have more firearms than people.

  • Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"

  • People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.

  • You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.

  • If you haven't worked for Motorola at some time, you must be a newcomer.

*That happened to me. I have gotten blisters from my car door in summer in Phoenix.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )