Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005
Looking For Life In All The Wrong Places
Yay, it's Friday! Okay, no, it's really Saturday, about 2:14am according to my clock. Either way, it's the weekend, and I'm glad for it. I took a night more or less offline and watched TV, did a few dishes, and otherwise pretty much zoned out. I have to work tomorrow (and potentially Sunday) and while I love computers and love talking to my friends online, I definitely needed a break tonight.
I got my bed risers and now have a VERY high bed. Not so high I need a step to reach it but darned close. It's too high for my granddaughter to crawl up on it when she's here, though, so I don't think I'll leave it like this for very long, even though it's more appropriate to the headboard. I need to get the rest of the actual frame that goes with the headboard because my regular frame is entirely too low, and the bed risers don't support the center braces. I have a cheap enough box spring I don't trust it like that long-term. I've been on beds that folded in half - and I don't mean the kind that were SUPPOSED to fold.
Youngest daughter didn't show up today, despite her claim that she'd be coming every two weeks. That doesn't surprise me; she'll show up next week, knowing it's my payday next Friday. But she is in for a rude awakening if she thinks she'll mooch anything else from me. I'm paying the rest on the washing machine and paying other bills - nothing left for her to mooch. The following few weeks will be pretty much the same story - the money is going to be tight but I will clear up the last of my little bills (hallelujah for that!)
Since this weekend is going to be a work weekend, that means no painting, darn it. Oh well, it's still too cold to paint on the porch, anyway, and I don't like using oils indoors without some serious ventilation. All of the turpentine and other stuff will get to you in a big hurry.
At least I got my picture sketched out and know what color palette I'll be using - with the red brick building that's my main subject, you'd think that the red tones would be my primary hue, but they're not - my main color will be a turquoisy-green, in varying tones and hues. The red brick will still be there but it'll definitely have accents in the blue-greens.
I just want to PAINT again. It's been entirely too long, even though the materials here for a long time, including canvas and easel. Crummy brushes aside, this is as good a chance as I'm likely to get.
I got one story published this week in the Payson newspaper, but they didn't publish my second submission. Not surprising as one of their staff writers had something on it and part of the story took place there. I'm nonetheless now published in print, such as it is.
No good Friday finds for the past few weeks - no time to look. One of our advertisers offered to send someone over to the studios for the traffic and office job. Trouble is I don't think Boss will hire anyone else. I'm supposed to train New Guy to use the system. He was supposed to come in something like two weeks ago to start learning. He sat down with me exactly once, for maybe ten minutes (if that) and then went to do something else. He took notes, though. Two of them. One was "no mouse - must use keys." The other was something equally profound.
I understand, this guy's done big time radio in NYC, and Boss being Boss, New Guy is already expected to do about forty times more than a typical jock would be asked. But bottom line, there are some jobs you simply can't skimp on. It can't and won't happen. Tough noogies and all that jazz. Traffic is one of them. I mean this job literally puts the station on the air.
And I'm not going to keep on doing the kind of hours I did this week. I'll end up back in the hospital in less than a month and that's not doing anybody any favors, thank you very much. I don't even have the luxury of extra pay for the additional hours and the utter destruction of anything resembling a sleep pattern. Dammit, I still haven't even gotten a car. I already had the washing machine on layaway or I'd put that off, but I really can't just walk away from a few hundred non-refundable dollars.
I'm not holding my breath on the magazine. I'm guessing they're going to publish my story but God knows when they'll get their act together. We're about 6-1/2 months since submission, and while I got two phone calls, they were perfectly oblique about when to expect any kind of definitive answer. I started to say I never heard of anyone being rejected this far down the line, but I never heard of a seven month time frame to make up their minds, either, so I guess it's kind of irrelevant. Either way, I don't have the money and don't know if or when I'll get it.
It's 4:30am now - I logged back on to edit, seeing how nobody read yet (which is fine) and I'm all too wide awake. I'm too agitated to sleep, stressing over work and over a few dozen other things. I sent off my resumé to my friend in Indy but I guess she spoke prematurely about the job there - it hasn't been advertised yet. So as with a few dozen other things, I'm still in limbo. I'm waiting on a literary agent scenario, thanks to what fortunately turned out to be a minor crisis.
I just keep gritting my teeth and reminding myself that everything happens for a reason, whether or not I can see all of the tendrils that have contributed to this situation.
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )