Radiogurl a la Carte

Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2005
The Job Name Game

I loath bill collectors, and the lowest of the low are those who will psychologically browbeat anyone they get on the phone, regardless of who they are and what their connection is (or isn't) to the debtor.

"Hello?

"Hello, I'm looking for Klem Kadiddlehopper"

"I'm sorry, there's no one here by that name."

"This is the number I have for Klem. Do you know how to get ahold of him?"

"No ma'am, I'm sorry. You have a wrong number."

"Are you a relative? It's very important that we get ahold of him as soon as possible. This is Debbie Stoopid from Bill Collectors' Headquarters and I need to leave a message for him."

"No, Miss Stoopid, I don't know him, don't know who he is, and I'm not taking a message for him."

*Loud click as I slam down the receiver*

I'm exhausted tonight and decided to take a couple of hours' nap before getting up to finish up another five or six hours' work. Obviously the telephone gods had other ideas because Ms. Stoopid woke me up possibly ten minutes after I fell asleep. What she was doing was illegal, too, if I remember right. I had to do some collections work when employed by Assholian Telephone & Troglodytes. You're not supposed to discuss details of an account with anyone but an authorized party. Maybe it's different for personal accounts, I dunno, but for business ones that's an absolute no-no.

I'm going to again attempt a brief nap. If you're a gorgeous guy who is willing to make it worth my while, you can call me. If you look like this or this you can most assuredly call me, provided you'll get me the heck out of this place for a minimum of a week. Or if you are calling to tell me I've won at least enough money to buy a car, I'm good with being woken again. Otherwise, if you don't want your head verbally ripped off, wait until I'm awake. That's a couple of hours from now, when I've assumed human form again.


A quiz borrowed from chaosdaily:

If you had to take a job in the following fields, and could be anything within that area, what would you do?

Art:
Writing, writing, occasionally painting with oils. But my first love remains my love affair with words, and possibily always will be. If I could find a way to use both of the previous together, with just a touch of piano playing, it would be the ultimate job.

Business:
I've actually been discussing business plans with a couple of friends, though I am a lousy excuse for an entrepeneur. As I told them, my drive in business would center exclusively about making sure none of my employees was going hungry. In terms of what sort of business would I do... I suppose I'd like to handle a retail supplier or unique clothing and home accents, maybe called “All the comforts of home.” We're talking incredibly soft clothing, the sort you never want to take off – and a simliar sort of thing for home accents. Comfy, soft, warm, and inviting.

Education:
I do too much educating already. I have no patience. If I had to educate someone it would be to teach adult education on a specializes subject that was near and dear to my heart. Maybe history, or computers, or the art of communication.

Entertainment:
I'm already doing what I like best in this category. I've done other things but what I do now – the best. Just too much of the best, I'd like to cut back a bit if you don't mind!

Fabrication:
If I were going into manufacturing, I think I'd like to create a line of furniture that takes classic traditional forms and streamlines them, combining the old with the new to flawless effect.

Finance:
I'm hopeless with my own finances but I've done bookkeeping before. I still hate it. I'd rather perform dental work on myself without novocaine than do financial work.

Food:
If I were operating a business based on food, I'd probably prefer to manufacture and package, not manage a restaurant. It's more practical and would permit the occasional vacation, plus you don't have to deal (much) with irate customers.

Invention:
I want to invent a single, non-invasive, hypoallergenic cure for all diseases and for the cruelty that people inflict on one another.

Law:
I have no desire to be a police officer but if I had to go into law, I'd like to be a judge.

Medicine:
A doctor who listens to patients and as a result might get the right diagnosis now and then... what a novel idea!

Music:
I really don't want to perform for a living, unless it was a part of a huge symphonic orchestra.

Politics:
I have decided, in real life, that successful politicians don't tend to be honest people and honest people don't tend to be successful politicians. Therefore, if I were going to go into politics, I would like to be spectacularly unsuccessful at it. (Not my answer but I couldn't say it better!)

Repair:
*Sigh* I do this already... I fix computers.

Sales:
I have done sales before. I like it if it's a product in which I have faith. So we go back to the business plan with "All the Comforts of Home."

Science:
I love archaeology and anthropology, which go hand in hand. Anthropology is the study of the people; archaeology, the study of artifacts. I did a paper on an ancient Native American tribe while I was in high school and won a state award for it. I still love delving into history in this capacity.

Sport:
I'm not a big sports fan but I do enjoy golf, or at least I used to. If I had a chance to practice again I think I might legitimately stick with it, too.

Technology:
If I could do what I really want to do in this field, I'd be a programmer and create software that was a sort of blank canvas that could then be custom-designed by my clients. For example, an office program. I'd set up an intuitive program that allows my customer to answer some questions and the answers to their questions would build a program to meet their specific needs. When they finish the questionnaire, voila! Program done, bug free and tailored to their business or personality!

Transportation:
I'd like to be a test-driver to check the quality of top-level car stereos while in motion.

Writing:
I'm going to be a novelist. Much as I'd like to be able to write a screen play, I don't know the logistics of it. Besides, scripts are sterile, leaving room for an actor to interpret. If I write, I want to be able to direct the world I design with text.

BONUS:
Think fast — what normally illicit, immoral, or illegal work would you love to do if you could get away with it and be compensated handsomely for it?
Not sure, to be honest. I don't want to be a hooker because while I like the idea of plenty of sex, I'd pass on the impersonality of having it for a job. I wouldn't want to be a thief. I'm sorry, I'm fresh out of imagination when it comes to this one!

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )