Radiogurl a la Carte

Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do Right

Meh, I am such a frigging coward. I still haven't gone back and given my notice and made it stick.

Boss is in Phoenix at Mayo Clinic all day today so I won't get the opportunity. I genuinely hope that they tell him something to convince him to sell the station. At least we did get into that conversation yesterday. I asked him if the studios were for sale, hoping that they were. No such luck. Paraphrasing his reply, "I'll quit when it's not fun any more."

Hell-LO? Boss hasn't been able to run things for months. In some respects, hasn't been able to run them for years. He nearly died just a few weeks ago and has been diagnosed with a degenerative disease. He's been told that it's treatable, and I think he may be holding out false hope. It is treatable, but it is NOT curable. Nor does treatment insure what level of operability he'll be able to reach or maintain. (I read up on it.) Furthermore, treatment can take as much as a year or more to take effect. I don't think that's doable. I tried to steer him toward the thought that while he's able, he should really consider making peace with family, etc.

This man won't discuss anything significant unless you hit him over the head with it. And by significant, I mean business-wise or in terms of personal issues. I could understand the personal end of things if I were just a run-of-the-mill employee. Unfortunately I've been delegated his confidante (something that goes way back, by the way) and friend. Years ago I helped him make a poster to impress a long-time crush, and got far, far more informatin about the situation than I wanted. I've talked to his daughter on the phone (yes he has kids, though I think I've talked to them more than he has, which is beyond sad. And he hasn't known where either of them are for the past few years.)

The most recent progression simply expands that trend a bit further.

I know that he can't run the studios without me, not as it stands now. That's not to denegrate BJ, who is a godsend; but there are jobs within the station that BJ simply doesn't know how to do, and they're too complex to teach him in the amount of time we're talking about. He's taken on a lot of responsibility already.

Boss can kill the automation program, I guess, and go back to live programming, but then he's back with a whole 'nother set of problems, not the least of which will be finding more qualified people to do those jobs.

So I am sitting here trying to decide whether by quitting I'm making the decision for him to sell, and if so, am I doing him a favor, forcing him to do what he should have done long ago. It doesn't change my mind. I'm just trying to figure out how to present all of this to him. I mean, I don't care if Boss loses it and tells me to pack it out tomorrow. I'd sell everything and take the first plane to Indy, no problem. But in spite of everything, I really DO wish that I wasn't in this position, pretty much determining the future of the station and his life by default.

At least I feel no qualms about the community angle. I feel like I've done all I can here, and while I've received stupendous support overall, I don't think that my staying will really provide any more benefits.

One reason I almost reconsidered is that one of the new elected officials has apparently decided to declare war. Maybe I should be afraid or at least angry, as she's fairly high up the ladder.

No, I guess I don't have enough smarts for that. I'm irritated but kind of shrugged it off. She was distributing some papers during a meeting a few days ago and when I asked for a copy she flat-out told me no, that she didn't want it hitting the press and hurting her cause. (I later obtained a copy from the author, who tracked me down to be sure I got one.) Aside from the legalities of the Freedom of Information Act, the elected official in question made the erroneous assumption that she's my sole source of information. She's lucky I didn't also report some snide remarks I overheard during the meeting, including a comment from one of her cronies, threatening to trip one of the people who disagreeds with their stance.

Gotta love small town politics. All rationality, all the time. (Think my tongue completely pierced my cheek with that statement.)

There are some decent people here, too. I guess with all my whining, I give the impression that everyone here is a backwater numbskull, and that's simply not the case. Not sure who outnumbers who on that front. I just know who makes the most noise. In some cases, too, the heart's in the right place but the methods are hazy.

Well, guess I'd better sign off. I'm working maintenance and now that I've got the server going on a prolongued segment, I need to get going on two other machines.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )