Sunday, Jul. 03, 2005
Oh Bla Di Oh Bla Dah
Okay, we've eliminated one more prospective companion (I hesitate to say "boyfriend" for any number of reasons) and probably both of 'em. Met J today (the one with the same name as my dad) and while he seems like a reasonably decent guy, it ain't gonna happen. He didn't ever show up or call tonight, a detail for which I'm profoundly grateful. I don't mind shooting down a complete jerk like Kris, but I don't like telling a nice guy that no, I don't think there's a chance of us getting together as anything more than friends.
As for T, much as I like his responses, I'm pretty sure now that he's married. My gut instincts have been screaming bloody murder at me all along but I really tried to pretend they didn't. Sooner or later I had to face up to it, though. I asked one question too many that he simply ignored. I think if it weren't for the fact that he's married, there were, as he phrased it, "possibilities." Unfortunately those possibilities are also never going to coalesce. He said he'd been divorced for ten years, which may well be. But he also never said he hadn't remarried, and there are just too many little details pointing in that direction. I hate being lied to, but I guess for some people it's standard operating procedure.
I guess that leaves me back to square one: single and staying that way. 'S all right, I got a couple of weeks' worth of giggles out of it. I liked the feeling of having a couple of guys interested in me, even if it never amounted to anything. In fact, I am probably happier that it DIDN'T ever amount to anything. Because that whole married-boyfriend thing is just the pits.
And yeah, I know about that. Found out the hard way. Details on the other diary and no, not going to be posted here. I can forgive and forget a lot, but that was a last straw to end all last straws.
I don't hate all men. I've been privileged to meet some legitimately terrific guys, including several on Diaryland. I appreciate every cheesy, nonsensical, profound, perverse word. I just know that what works online and at work doesn't translate into my personal life. That's the simple facts.
Besides which, I don't have the time for a life. Or if I do, I'll channel it into other things, like my long-neglected writing. Maybe painting. Heck, maybe I'll actually get around to sketching an embroidery pattern for the aida cloth I bought a couple of years back and never used!
I suppose I should call it a night and head for bed. I'm only working half a day tomorrow, going to close up shop at 10am. Not like I have a phone, fax or email at work anyway until Tuesday. They were supposed to be working on Thursday, but noooo...
I haven't decided yet if I'll go watch fireworks tomorrow or not. I'm thinking I'm overdue for a nice bout of wallowing in self-pity. It won't last long, anyway, because frankly my life overall - minus my love life - is going very, very well. Tiring but well. Lifting a line from the Beatles: "Life goes on."
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )