Radiogurl a la Carte

Friday, Jul. 15, 2005
Distended Dreamscape

I am going to end up cussing this stupid @#$%& computer if it starts with me again tonight. Received a corrupted file earlier in the week that created a cascade effect and knocked the machine out. Thank God for Norton and its restore capabilities!

Then two days functioning with a migraine and the accompanying fun. I'm always supremely shaky and my stomach operating in less than stellar shape for a few days after a migraine. Tonight I still don't feel very well.

On top of that, a nice little storm came through and knocked out our power for a while. The rain was nice and much needed but it's overdue for the monsoons, and we're not really seeing those yet. One night of short-lived rain doeth not a monsoon make. I lit a scented candle and let it burn while I soaked in a nice hot bath; then I zoned out in front of Stargate Ess-Gee-Whatever once the power came back.

I have a lot on my mind tonight. Too much on my mind, in fact. I'm supposed to go do the mother-son thing this weekend and realistically this is a good thing. But I'm in the dumps, and don't have a clue why (other than the week from hell, which is going to happen periodically.)

Things with T are going good, I think. I'd say they're excellent but that would be a lie. My innate panic buttons have all been pushed a couple of times. Again, nothing the man did wrong, just my own little insecurities seething and bubbling their way to the surface. I'm dealing the best I know how to handle them,. I know that it's my problem and my attitude, and I cannot and will not hold someone else accountable for 'em again. Life is too short.

And just to satisfy your curiosity, Angela, the reason for T only calling day hours is that he only has a cell phone for home and it is dying. He called me from it, and it was cutting in and out and the signal was atrocious. There was so much noise on the line that about every third word was unintelligible. He's stuck until he can afford to buy another phone or get this one fixed, neither of which is a cheap proposition.

In the interim he uses a phone card and calls me from work. He HAS now been emailing and messaging from home some, too, albeit mostly at ungodly hours because of another project he's working on online (which he showed me, too.)

It's an ungodly hour and I am just about to fall over, so guess I should sign off and crawl into bed for a month or so...

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )