Monday, Oct. 03, 2005
The Old and the Feckless
Dang... It's quiet tonight. This is going to be a short entry. I feel like something you wouldn't want to step in about now. I don't know if it's something I ate (doubtful but who knows) or the cumulative stress (more likely,) particularly after another psychological bomb got dropped on me last night.
I'm not posting what it is. It was my own negligence that precipitated the problem and as soon as I realized what I'd done, I rectified the situation. There was no actual harm done, except maybe cranking the ulcer-making mechanism up into high gear. As if it weren't already there.
I woke up this morning at 3am, cold and hurting like a sonofagun. Seems like whenever I develop ulcer or pre-ulcer or whatever, it hurts dead-center in my chest. And no, it's not my heart. I've had that tested umpteen times and the ticker's all good. (Well, except for falling for losers, but that's another story.) This is good old-fashioned stress-induced heartburn on a grand scale.
After popping some aspirin and water and grabbing another blanket, I finally fell asleep again a little after 4 and slept until my alarm went off at 5. The nicest part of living in a small town is living less than ten minutes' drive from work.
By shortly after lunchtime today, though, I was deciding this wasn't something related to the ulcer. I really would've been content to curl up and die. At that point I wasn't even hurting, exactly - just running a fever and wanting to come home and crawl back in bed.
But since the newspaper was coming in today to interview me and take my picture, I didn't have the luxury of going home, darn it. The picture thing wasn't supposed to happen, by the way. I know these guys at the local paper and threatened them with dire consequences should they try to take a picture of me. It's one thing for my daughter to snap pictures of me but I KNOW how newspaper shots come out.
I even emailed an acceptable shot to them, but nooooo... My wonderful new boss came in during the interview and before I could say anything at all, he volunteered a photo of the whole station staff, with me front and center.
By that point I was seriously weighing whether or not the jail term for murder was worth it, and was leaning pretty heavily to, "Oh HELL yeah!"
I mean, think about it. A female manager arrives at work in sweats and a pony tail, makes arrangements NOT to have a picture taken, and the owner pulls something like that? I'd certainly consider that a death wish on the owner's part.
Let's not even discuss a couple of remarks he made before the writer left. If it wasn't time for me to come home and crawl into bed about then, he'd have been dead, no doubt about it. Mind you, I've been a woman working in a man's world for a long time and most times sexist remarks roll off my back. But today - whether it was this bug making me cranky or he was just hitting all the right buttons - I was pissed. I think it was justified, though, because the newspaper guy cringed at one point. That's a pretty good indication.
The one thing that probably will keep the boss alive tomorrow: I'm so out of it tonight I already can't remember exactly what was said.
And with that in mind I'm going to go crash in front of my television and play sick while I can, because tomorrow, sick or not, I still gotta go to work.
I HATE this kind of stuff - everything snowballs at once, I manage to cope reasonably well on the surface, but my stress levels demolish my immune system and the first little bug that comes along prety mush flattens me. Ugh.
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )