Sunday, Oct. 09, 2005
Sunday night and all is more or less well. I survived yesterday and survived today's traipse to the gem and mineral show.
The show itself was not the biggest but it was fun. I spied some rare stones (including a gorgeous eudialyte pendant that cost a whole heck of a lot more than I could afford) and a few interesting but more common ones. I was there with some rockhound buddies, and we were in rock heaven. I found a couple of nice cabochons for 50 cents apiece - a gorgeous opal and a rhodocrosite (both of which I am nearly sure were tossed into the bargain bin by mistake) - got a grab bag with some petrified wood, rough azurite/malachite matrices, and one black crystalline stone that I couldn't identify. It's not obsidian, nearly as I can tell. It's got a glossy face and looks almost like it's formed mica-like layers. I'll get it identified sooner or later. I spent a whopping $2.75 for the three-hour foot tour.
The downside? With all of this, I got zilch done today in terms of laundry or cleaning house. You know, the little stuff that you invariably avoid like the plague even though you know you really have to do it.
I took an inventory of my cupboards and realized that like it or not, I have to hit the grocery store tomorrow. I probably wouldn't die of starvation if I don't - but it's a lot closer than I want to admit to myself, too. Yeesh... you think you buy a week's worth of groceries every month or two, the food should last. Go figure.
I'm talking to another guy online, with the potential of dating - but I'm considerably more hesitant. I'm not holding the situation with T against him, precisely (though I am not going to be railroaded into moving too fast this time) but I am beginning to wonder what percentage of relationships will survive that begin online.
I have a couple of other friends who are in similar situations, where they've become involved at a distance with someone they met online. And it's hard. I don't say it won't work, but I am beginning to see some familiar patterns that play out again and again, ad nauseam:
This is the guy who wants to push every sex button as fast and hard as he can. Guys are sexual beings, I got that. So are women. This man will swear he's a one-woman man. He'll tell you he's got a twelve-inch penis and he's got a six-digit income and he's looking for the two of you to last until infinity. Even if you flunked math, you'll realize before long that none of those numbers add up. If you are performing verbal fellatio before he even knows your real name isn't cyberangel, your next words to him should be, "Buh-bye!"
This guy will have all the right words:
"I want to take it slow."
"I want to do things right with you."
"We've got plenty of time."
This guy may be the one who uses the "L" word and will convince you he's for real. He'll probably wine and dine you and come across like the perfect gentleman. He's the fabled silver-tongued devil. Unfortunately he's all about the pursuit. Once he's got you, he'll find an excuse to move on in short order - whether or not he bothers to tell you he's decided to find greener pastures. The one thing that could be a clue: the more reluctant you are, the more he pours on the charm. He's more turned on by challenge than by the actual woman. Trouble is, he may be so persistent that he convinces you he is legitimate, and you won't find out the truth until you're nursing a broken heart.
Good old Carey. He's probably a very likeable guy who really is in it for the long haul. He wants you, adores you, and loves you all the more because he figures if can arrange it, you'll do everything for him, and he can kick back and be a man of leisure. At your expense, of course. Chances are he's unemployed when he contacts you, or has a job he just started yesterday. Not every guy who's unemployed is Carey, and I am not counting stay-at-home dads who actually do share in the responsibilities (though presumably they won't be hitting on you!) but if you ask him what he does for a living and he fumbles, better to tell him to carey on... down the road.
Pat's one step below Carey. He may be sincere and may work for a living. He may in fact be a one-woman man. He may be a lot of things, but the safest bet is that if he says it, it's a lie. He's a con artist extraordinaire and he'll convince you because he's GOOD at what he does. Never beat yourself up for being taken in by this guy because he's been practicing his craft since long before he met you. Unfortunately by the time you find out that his aunt didn't really leave him a fortune and he didn't really practice safe sex, he'll either be long gone or he'll have brainwashed you into believing that the sky is orange and Bush is a good president.
This is every woman's nightmare and there's a wide range of variants on this category. This is the control freak, the person for whom a relationship is merely a new venue to exert his will at all costs. Trouble is that it's generally you who will pay the cost of his exertion. Early into things he'll try flattering you into doing things his way. Later his methodology will shift. This is the man who will eventually tell you he loves you and that if you only didn't provoke him, he wouldn't hit you. He may or may not drink and blame the the chemical for the abuse. If you encounter Mr. Power, run to the nearest exit and weld the door shut behind you.
This is a rare bird but there are a few of them out there. The operative phrase in this case is "out there." This man may be sweet and attentive and at first come across as Mr. Perfect. He could be very intelligent, if a bit eccentric. But if after a few weeks you're wondering if he's got more quirks than Howard Hughes, maybe it's time to rethink the connection. Remember, there was once a time when Michael Jackson seemed pretty cool, too.
There are actually some good guys out there. I know it for a fact. I have a couple of friends who met their partners online and their time together is counted in years, not weeks. I know happily married couples who met online. I just don't know how to spot the good guys, either online or off.
I know there are some good guys on Diaryland; maybe I should ask THEM for pointers. We ladies are at your mercy, guys. Are we missing some neon sign splashed across the forehead that says, "LOSER!"? Is there some subtle detail that should serve as a warning flasher? Give us girls a hand here.
And yes, incidentally, I know that there are parallels in women. We have women online who are ostensibly seeking a life partner but are in fact seeking a male slave. We've got the "Looking for Daddy Warbucks" brigade and the Feminazis and all sorts of comparable personalities. Just because I'm picking on men at the moment doesn't mean I'm ignoring all of the other factors in the equation.
Incidentally - before I forget again - I edited a sound file into the entry from a couple of nights back. I had folks asking how you say my name - I just took the lazy way out and recorded myself saying it, lol.
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )