Saturday, Oct. 22, 2005
Buh-bye to Mr. Attractive.
I haven't told him yet, but that's where I'm going with it. Long story short, I was going against my own advice, in a big way. Remember the guy in the laundromat a couple of weeks ago? I told him if you can't be yourself, you're with the wrong person. That's what's been bugging me with regard to Mr. Attractive. I realized that I was being pigeonholed into something that wasn't me, or at least being limited to something that is only one small facet of me.
Without going into a lot of detail, he wants an intellectual and that's his perception of me. And I can certainly go there. I'm right at home in matters of the philosophy and science and news and so on. I had no problem passing the pre-test for MENSA, even though I'm not interested in joining. Thing is, I'm also a complete goofball at times, love ridiculously corny jokes and occasionally acting like an idiot. I hate pretension, hate an elitist mentality. I might not like being around someone because they have a different lifestyle, but if I ever start thinking I'm better, somebody kindly administer a good swift kick to my posterior and remind me to get a clue.
Mr. Attractive also wants some other things that I can be and do, if I so choose. If he wanted those things within the context of a relationship, I'd be fine with them - better than fine, in fact. But if they define the relationship, my answer has to be no, plain and simple.
I also realized that as gorgeous as Mr. Attractive is (and he is) there was not a single genuine spark between us. Couldn't help laughing about that. Here's this hunk of a man expressing attention in me and I was just. Not. There.
This morning's epiphany: I don't want an Adonis. I want a teddy bear. A little extra padding on a man is not only fine with me, it's my preference. But honestly, it's not so much about body type as it is about personality. Give me somebody who is not opposed to cuddling on the sofa while watching a football game or a truly awful movie, one so bad that it's good. Think a Bruce Campbell film. Think Weekend at Bernies. You get the idea. I actually miss the football marathon on Thanksgiving Day, the mania of Super Bowl Sunday, the whole she-bang. I want someone for whom a holiday dinner can be fun, not an experience where you could hear a pin drop. If a slice of turkey falls on the floor, gimme a man who'll open the door and whistle for the dog and claim he was just making sure Rover had Thanksgiving, too!
I want someone who, if we're at a party so dull it borders on petrification, will go along with a supremely wild stunt or will go along with abandoning ship, and knows when each is appropriate. (Yeah, I know, that might be asking too much.)
I don't need a guy who wants to go shopping with me, either. That's what sisters and daughters and girlfriends are for. On the flipside, gimme a guy who likes a boys' night out now and then - I am fine with that, long as he doesn't drive home drunk or long as the poker party doesn't become something else entirely.
But most of all, I want a guy who wants me. Not the perception of a radio personality. Not a domme or an intellectual purist or a Stepford Wife. And I want someone with a few idiosyncracies of his own - preferably none that involve knives and guns (except in the context of hunting.)
Hehehe, dysfunction rules!
I do, however, reserve the right to go along on the fishing trips. I'm an expert at tangling the line, letting the Big One get away, and digging through the cooler for the last Coke before anybody else gets it.
It's all about balance, after all.
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )