Radiogurl a la Carte

Friday, Nov. 18, 2005
M Is the Loneliest Number

TGIF!!! I am always glad to see Fridays roll around, but especially this week. I spent a couple of hours on the phone with Mr. Complicated tonight. (I think going forward he'll be G, because I'm tired of writing his pseudonym out...) Then when I came in to check my email, discovered I'd heard from someone I wrote off a couple of weeks ago.

Ugh... There's a reason I wrote the guy off a couple of weeks ago. (The email guy, not G/Mr. Complicated.) He seems like a perfectly nice guy, but is most definitely not someone I could deal with long-term. I've talked to him on the phone a couple of times. It's almost painful to sit through a conversation with him. A date is out of the question, so when I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks I was relieved.

Turns out he thought I owed him a letter and he was writing to beg me to write him. I'll write his letter. Sadly, it's gonna be a dear-almost-John letter. We were never a couple so there's no actual breakup involved. I just have to tell him I'm sorry but I can't go there. This is one of the men who told me they're looking for a wife, and even if I were willing to go out with him (which I'm not,) it wouldn't be fair because I know there's no way we're going to end up together.

I am still pretty ambivalent about marriage overall. On the one hand, there's at least a degree of implied stability in married life. I think. Not that my own history is an example, but for most people it seems to work that way. It's a little tougher for your companion to walk away without a word if you're married. There are legal factors involved. Not to mention the fact that if you disappear, presumably you'll be taking your things with you. A husband or wife will probably notice you moving out. Unless they're drunk/high/criminally insane/all of the above, of course.

There are a few bazillion recommendations against the institution, too.

Just that phrase - the "institution" of marriage - carries some rather dolorous connotations. Like a corrections institution. Or an asylum. The whole concept is this big, cold, impersonal space where everyone shares quarters and everyone wants to escape. Maybe they should call it the "litter" of marriage, like a puppy family, where everyone is cute and happy and bouncy. Or what about a "galaxy" of marriage - something grand and beautiful and glittering with plenty of space for everyone?

In either case, though, not interested in carrying the concept into polygamy. I don't share that interest with Warren Jeffs, who's still on the loose. The guy was a real winner, marrying off little girls to old men. (Not to mention they were married off to old men who were already married at the time.) There's another chilling article here.

Yeesh... I didn't mean to go down that road.

Obviously that's not typical. Just scary as hell.

Aside from the aforementioned real and hypothetical downsides to marriage, and the not altogether tongue-in-cheek comments about stability, I have seen some relationships that work. While I can't fathom how some people stay together, they do so AND apparently are very happy that way. With others, I understand completely and applaud them. I guess I've seen just enough to convince me that maybe there's hope for me, after all.

That's more than enough rambling for now. I'm dead on my butt and think I'm going to go crawl in bed and leave it at that. I've got too much to do tomorrow to stay up late tonight.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )