Radiogurl a la Carte

Saturday, Dec. 03, 2005
Nowhere Woman

There's a reason I abandoned my first, original email online. Not only does the thing literally get 1000 spam-mails a day, but every time I sign onto the IM I get hit on by Sleaze-Guy of the Day.

Today was an example. I have four or five Yahoo accounts - mainly use one of them for email and another for Instant Messenger, aka IM. But one of my dearest friends can NEVER remember my IM name and said she would leave me offline messages if she could. To the best of my knowledge, Yahoo is the only IM that permits you to do that. (Other than ICQ, which I dislike and don't use.) So I signed into my original screen name on Yahoo - dawnleilani@yahoo.com.

After being informed that I have 21,828 new emails, it took maybe three seconds until some guy from the Valley binged me and started telling me how much he needs a girlfriend. I won't go into the particulars, but aside from the fact that he's only 30 years old, the reasons for my not going there are oh, about a million or so.

That's when I remembered that the email in question was constantly getting hit by sleazebags, and not even sleazebags who can spell. I'm sorry, but I'm still not impressed by a lot of the IM shortcuts. I don't care if I can understand "How r u? I m fine." Even my kids don't do that and they come from the cyber age. I find that 99 percent of the time, the men who use the bastardized IM language are out for nothing but sex - whether cyber or physical or both.

No thanks. I can get that anywhere. I'll pass.

If nothing else, the Idiot Brigade makes Mr. Complicated look better all the time. That situation has become increasingly interesting. Still not jumping into anything there, something we both agreed was the best way to go. He got burned pretty royally a while back, too, and isn't interested in a repeat performance of his own personal roasting. The no-pressure approach seems to be working reasonably well so far; bonus points because we've both asked the kinds of questions you really SHOULD ask anyone in whom you've got a serious interest. Of course they're also the kinds of questions you rarely or never DO ask until after you're heavily involved.

Double bonus points because I didn't repeat the mistake of giving him the url to this diary, but did send him a copy of my 101 Things entry.

Tonight is the light parade here in town and I'll be riding along with M and her family. I have to admit, I'd never go alone. I am a homebody almost to the point of hermitdom. M's influence is probably a good thing.

I tell myself that if I had another person in my life it might be different. Is that self-delusion? It might be. My parents always pounded into me the idea that you don't spend money unless it's absolutely necessary; that vacations are only for performing other kinds of work; that when you go somewhere it's to see family and never for real recreation. While I can recall taking two or three actual recreational trips as a child, they were never for more than a one-day turnaround. We went to the Prairie du Chene zoo in Wisconsin; we went to Devil's Backbone State Park. We drove to the Amana Colonies.

And even as I recount those trips, I realize I took even fewer with my own children. It wasn't possible to go on vacations. I supported a family of six on $400 a month gross at one point, working full-time in radio. I couldn't feed or house us, much less go anywhere recreational.

We did go to school concerts and to church events when I could. We went to the local fireworks show on the 4th of July, and occasionally to the park for the kids to play. And that's about it.

My youngest son had never been outside the state of Arizona until after he was 18. How ironic that after he turned 18, he was the only member of my immediate family to have gone out of the country (other than border towns in Mexico!) He went to Guatemala. 00 has gone to Europe since then. I still haven't gone further than those aforementioned border towns, though I hope someday that I will.

But for now, I'll settle for the light parade. Which means I've got to sign off and finish getting ready to go!

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )