Radiogurl a la Carte

Thursday, Feb. 15, 2007
The Muckety-Mucks Have It

Life can be particularly frustrating sometimes.

I've been struggling to cover the most basic of basics since switching jobs. We don't go spend crazy, though I did spend a whopping $5 on clothing from the thrift store over the past month or thereabouts, considering I'd lost a size recently and I figured being pantsed at work was not a great fashion statement, especially if it just came from walking across the floor.

Other than that, I've been struggling to pay bills and buy enough food to hopefully keep MC and myself fed. Unfortunately one of the reasons we're moving is that I can no longer do the latter part of that. While I do buy food, it is systematically disappearing, courtesy of Rosie's Evil Child, aka EC.

Now, I am normally a share-and-share alike person, but we really don't have that luxury at the moment. I know that Rosie and Zeb are taken care of, but dammit, when I barely can afford enough to keep me and MC fed for the two weeks between my paycheck and EC has polished off half of what I bought, it's kind of tough to keep that generous feeling. That was kind of the last straw that decided on our taking our leave. It isn't optional any longer.

And really, I don't expect the child not to eat, and I'm not angry, nothing like that. I just don't have the wherewithal to pay for it. Shortly before my last paycheck, we'd gotten to the point that there really was nothing for MC to eat while I was at work, short of cooking skills that are outside what he can do. I'd bought plenty of sandwich stuff to last for a couple of weeks... of which he got two sandwiches before it was gone.

I hate being stingy. I WON'T be stingy. Ergo I have to go somewhere I can make a realistic living, and that ain't here.

00 called today to say she'd gotten a job that pays more than the one she lost. She called back about an hour or so later to say she also got called in for an interview on the job she REALLY wants, the one with the Phoenix metro-area radio station. If she gets that one, it pays good money, or at least it should. I think the starting range in that area is something like $30K. She'll still have to get there, which will undoubtedly be its own challenge - but at least she'll have enough coming in once she starts getting paid that she will be able to get a vehicle in a while.

I am glad for her, but depressed over working my own ass off and barely surviving. We've got to figure out what to do with our stuff for a few weeks until we can get our own place, and in the next few days will have to go through and sort out what we need to take, what we can store, etc.

Zeb offered to help haul stuff to Tucson, and we might take him up on that, but I'm not sure even that will be possible because I will have to reserve enough money to cover gas to get there, to look for work and to GET to work until I get another paycheck, plus pay for my car insurance. Considering what I make nowadays, that's pretty much my entire check. I wouldn't ask or expect Zeb to haul all that stuff without at least paying for his gas.

Quandaries-R-Us.

Anyway, I figure my last day at work will be next Friday and we'll head out over the weekend. I'm praying I get something immediately, even if it's just another "filler" job while I'm looking. That's been the problem here, as much as anything else. I had no problem finding filler jobs but that's all there ARE here. Nothing pays more than $8-9 an hour, and most pay minimum wage. I was just flabbergasted to find out that people in this area expect to pay minimum wage for a full-charge bookkeeper. In the Phoenix area, that job is anywhere from $12 an hour up to $40K plus, and NOWHERE else have I seen it for less than about $10 an hour.

And I'm not just talking about here in Podunktown. This is in Scurvy Vista, a place with 40,000 people. Unreal.

Oh well. Maybe I'll win the lottery.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA (deep breath) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I shouldn't take that attitude, I suppose, and believe it or not, I'm not THAT depressed. I still believe that everything happens for a reason. Both MC and I said back before we moved here that we both were thinking of Tucson, though in my case it was more along the lines of just figuring we'd end up there, sooner or later.

I was more thinking of our own place there, but guess beggars can't be choosers. Besides that, the folks who are offering us a place to stay need our help right now. All of them are in poor health and can't keep up even with the most basic survival stuff any more, and there's a family member who's been in ICU for almost a month now. MC was really concerned about that end of things, and had already asked me about going up to stay with them for a while. This just puts us both there, instead.

Anyway, all of the various concerns and worries have got my system twisted in knots again, and my head's pounding tonight. Toby the Wonder Dog is already starting his whinefest for the night, and I'm trying to figure out how to tell my current boss buh-bye. On top of everything else, I am really, really sick of the job-hopping lately.

Work created a part of that headache, too. Supposedly the computers are working and hunky-dory, and they're not. One of the machines isn't connecting to the printer, the database is still mucked up, and so on. And of course there's the usual muckety-mucks coming through with their various scams to rip us off - tonight's bunch had all the panache of a drunken bull in a china-doll shop.

I slept in this morning - actually slept until this afternoon at 1pm, truth be told - but I'm tired tonight, which tells me I really am teetering on the edge of serious depression again. When I get to the point that all I want to do is sleep, it starts getting scary again.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )