Radiogurl a la Carte

Thursday, Sept. 30, 2004
Endings And Beginnings

I give up. Tall Guy ain't happening, so that's that. He can call in the rain check for dinner when he's ready, and that'll close the book on things.

Oh well, everything happens (or in this case, doesn't happen) for a reason, and I'm glad I hit this point without investing my heart. There was no embarrassing scene or blowup, nothing like that. But he's just not interested and I realized it's time for me to accept the fact and focus on other things. It definitely isn't the end of my world, and with some of the reservations I already had, it's probably just as well. I also found out that his new job will require him to locate about two hours from here. He's talking about commuting. I say it won't happen. He'll be moving as soon as humanly possible, no doubt about it. Come wintertime, that two hour commute won't be feasible, because the area he'll be managing gets snow, and lots of it!

I was planning to sell my vacation to pay for getting my old car fixed. As it turns out, that's not a possibility. My old Chevy sat so long that the engine rusted from the water in the block, so it's now officially un-fixable. That actually might end up being a good thing, as I think I found another car I'm going to be able to pick up for almost nothing (on the order of $250-300.) It's a junker but it runs, and if I do that, I won't have to sell my vacation. That way I'm off the hook on several levels.

If I DO get a car without having to sacrifice my vacation, I might fly out to see my friend in Indianapolis and decide if I actually want to move there and go into business with her. Airfare is less than $200 for a round-trip, nonstop flight to Indy, even if I book online; if I go through the local travel agent I bet I can get an equivalent deal plus have the option of cancelling in the event of an emergency, plus with an agent I can add a rental car, etc. There are some other reasons for considering a trip to Indy, too. Said friend is in dire need of some hefty moral support right now, as she's going through a very, very difficult period in her life.

I have a standing offer to visit with some friends in Tucson, too - and hope to goodness I can do that sometime soon. There are two 'Net friends who live there and we were talking about getting together for dinner. This was just before the wreck.

Still haven't heard anything from the magazine submission (as in, haven't received a rejection letter.) By this point, I know that either they are buying or considering the purchase of the story for publication - or it really did get lost in the mail. I'm hoping for the former, obviously.

Friend from Quebec told me something today that really surprised me. He said an acquaintance of his did a Tarot reading for him, and told him one of his friends was about to become famous, more or less. He said that would probably be me, based on my writing. (He's read more of my writing than anyone else I know.) I thanked him for the vote of confidence, then added with a chuckle that it could be one of any number of his friends. He replied that no, it couldn't, because he only had two people he considers real friends, and I'm one of them. I don't put a lot of stock in Tarot, but I think that's possibly the highest compliment I've ever received.

I really am hoping to have a nice, quiet weekend. I want to get some writing done and think I might set my easel on the front porch and do some painting. I am long overdue for that. I miss the smooth feeling of my brush gliding over the canvas, and the subtlety of working with oils. I am bound and determined to finish at least two pieces while the weather is nice. I'm toying with the thought of creating at least one painting for sale. There's a gallery here in town that I know would display my work. I just have to get it done and framed and see what happens.

The hardest part would be in deciding how much to charge. I don't know how to assign a value on my own work. I guess I would have to calculate based on the cost of materials and the time spent.

The potatoes didn't get made but again, not a big deal. Dinner was still excellent, and it was ready when I got here. No waiting an hour or two while food cooks. Thank God for crock pots! I had put on a beef roast and baby carrots, threw in an onion for flavor. I also had poached Granny Smith apples ready to put into the oven to warm, and I had just the right amount of cinnamon and brown sugar to leave them tart, drizzled them with caramel sauce, and they were the perfect dessert. They were even cooked exactly right - tender but still slighty firm.

Yeah, yeah, I know, not exactly Atkins approved. The meal was low fat, and I did skip the potatoes, so I refuse to feel one bit guilty. Doing without cinnamon has nearly been my undoing a few times and this took care of the craving very nicely.

I arrived home in a pensive mood, and translated that into the urge to write. So I'll part with another poem:

  • The melody follows me;
    Woven through the heavens,
    Strung across the winds,
    Eclipsing the mundane
    With its flash of divine beauty.
    O for a way
    To translate its aural caress,
    And to render its richness
    Into tangible reward.
    Or perhaps 'tis yet better
    To let it fade into the mists.
    Let it ever remind us
    That things most rare and precious
    Cannot be contained
    In the palms of our hands.

    2004 by LeiLani

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )