Radiogurl a la Carte

Wednesday, Jun. 23, 2004
Joie de Vivre

How can things go so completely haywire in the space of 24 hours???

00 and Pipeboy rented an apartment on Monday afternoon. Tuesday afternoon, 00 storms out of the job, quitting with zero notice and by virtue of just paying for an apartment they now can't occupy, no money either. Plus, as a bonus, I now get to do her job and mine too - again. Youngest Daughter moved back in ONE DAY after I gave her money and groceries and gave Pipeboy gas money to take her to Phoenix. Friend from Quebec had already paid airline tickets for his girlfriend to come visit him this summer. Non-refundable, non-transferable airline tickets. And she dumped him. After telling him it was at least partly because of the jail time she had to serve. (I didn't ask about what offense she committed.)

I'd say it must be a full moon but I don't think that's enough to explain a day THIS whacked!

A few things seem to be resolving, though, oddly enough. Since Youngest Daughter isn't taking the job in Phoenix, 00 is going for it - and truthfully, she's better suited for the job, since it entails serious organizational skills. The job includes a NICE apartment as fringe benefit, so she and Pipeboy will have a place. Youngest Daughter was invited to move out of state with ex-stepmother and half-sister, into an area where jobs are plentiful and high-paying because there aren't enough people to do them, but the cost of living is generally low. Youngest Daughter would greatly benefit from living with her stepmother, who's big enough and bad enough to make her toe the line in no uncertain terms, but whom I also know isn't abusive about it.

I wish I could see a solution to the problem for friend in Quebec - I don't - but at least by day's end he was in slightly better spirits. We both plan to win our respective lotteries this weekend (suppose I should buy a ticket?) and then take off two months to travel before opening our own business - sans girlfriend, in his case, but with a friend and someone he trusts. (And vice versa in my case.) Yes, my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek about the lottery, but we have in fact talked about going into business together, something that is a bona-fide possibility.

I believe in fate, and when so many bizarre things happen in quick succession, I start watching closely. I expect this is only one of many phases of crazy things going on. It's an attitude I acquired over the course of the past five years, after seeing things happen that were too orderly to be coincidental, like puzzle pieces falling into place. Yet they were technically unrelated - event X originated here, event Y originated there, event Z originated somewhere else, and they all dovetailed precisely in the middle of my life and the lives of my friends.

In spite of the disorder of the day, I am not upset. Instead, I have a sense of expectation, and have since all of the craziness ensued. I was not thrilled when my daughter walked out of work (and in this instance, much as I love the girl, it really was her fault), but it was a transition.

Despite Wench77's streak of fatalism, I do believe that things work out as they are intended. No, not all things turn out as we would want or hope, but that isn't the same thing as what's meant to be. There are horrible tragedies, innocent people murdered, children abused and neglected. Our world is not perfect, not by any stretch. But we don't see all of the intricacies of fate and time. We can only speculate on what-if scenarios. We don't know what might have been changed by a single puff of air diverted at any given moment.

There are a couple of old philosophical questions that come to mind. If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound? Or... Does the world exist only in my consciousness? They are related. They both infer that the totality of the universe may not be independent physical bodies, but the psychological impulses of a single being - you or me, if you will. If that's so, are we responsible for those murders, because they occur only within the confines of our consciousness? Are we also then responsible for the wonders of the stars and planets? The intricacies that extend to the subatomic level and into the macrocosm that holds galaxies and potentially multiple universes?

And if not, then can we truly accept that what happens beyond our control is not without some merit we can't see?

The more I learn and see, the less I know, the more I question. I do not believe that I am omnipotent, therefore I must either believe in absolute entropy or absolute order. I choose to believe in order - but to do so, I must also accept that there are logics I cannot see, universes I have not explored, tangibles and intangibles still to be absorbed. It is the challenge, the frustration, and the joy of life.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )