Radiogurl a la Carte

Tuesday, May. 25, 2004
Not_A_Mused

Survived another day, and am tired enough I should be sleeping. Will be there shortly, too!

I'm really feeling guilty for not writing. Not here - this is a journal and therefore a reflection of what's going on in my real life. (Now if that isn't scary, I don't know what is!)

But I've got a fictional piece I started eons ago, was doing reasonably well at adding to it, then a couple of months ago - pouf! - it shriveled up and got put into the darkest cupboard of things-I-will-do-when-I-have-time. I really want to finish the darned thing, and I'm getting near the end, but I'm so tired I have no imagination, and my muse decided to cop an attitude.

To quote:

  • MUSE: Yo, Lei? What the HELL do you think you're doin', expecting me to work under these conditions? This is tap water, and I distinctly remember asking for bottled!

  • LEI: I'm sorry. It's been kind of rough, you know. Supporting the kid, medical bills, and all the usual stuff, plus the costs of moving.

  • MUSE: Excuses, excuses. Get your fat ass up and do something - you know, like typing a few words now and then? - and maybe we'll talk.

  • LEI: But I thought that was the point! As my muse, you're supposed to give me the inspiration to write!

  • MUSE: Who told you that? I'm just the one who reaps the praise when you're done. The work - I don't do none of that shit. That's your baby, hon, deal.

  • LEI: B-but where am I supposed to get my inspiration?

  • MUSE: I don't know about you, girlfriend, but I get mine at Nieman Marcus, preferably sparkly and in karats or carats.!

  • LEI: I can't afford that! I can't afford to even window shop there!

  • MUSE: Okay, now you see, there's your problem. You can't afford me!

And there you have it in a nutshell, the reason I haven't written.

It has nothing to do with work schedules straight out of a Kathie Lee factory (including comparable wages but without the tropical surroundings) or other demands on my time. It's that darned muse. It doesn't help that so much of my day job involves writing - I'm writing most days from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed - and sometimes get woken up to write in the middle of the night. I enjoy what I do but the muse starts getting bitchy after about sixteen hours straight. Especially with a chocolate-less menu lately.

I'm still losing weight, though not nearly as much as I did at first. I'm sure all the times I cheated on the diet had nothing to do with it, but in spite of the cheating I am still losing, just losing more slowly. Some of my 'smaller' clothes are getting loose. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to wear them. And the scale argues with my thoughts that I'm gaining. It says I've lost more this week than in a while. This is not a bad thing. I'm not buying expensive clothing for now. And for what it's worth, Wenchie, I only gave a few things to the thrift shop. Most of the larger size things went to a larger size friend, and in trade she gave me a few of her smaller things.

Little sis and I used to trade back and forth. We wore the same size for years and share the same tastes, in general - but now she's four sizes bigger than I am so doesn't exactly work any more.

Boss has taken up the diet now. Then again, Boss has taken up anything I've done in the past two years. When I first came back to work at the station (have worked at this station three previous times), it annoyed me because whenever I sat down for lunch he'd hunt me down and demand to know what I was eating and where I got it. Finally I realized that the man simply didn't know where to look for decent food, either if he was buying it from the grocery store or from a restaurant. After I realized that I sat him down and gave him a list, and he really did like the things I pointed out. Over time he has copied a lot of other things I do, including phrases, mannerisms and more. I guess if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I should be extremely flattered. If I don't kill him first.

Still no honeysuckle pictures - I ended up awake last night until about 4AM, so I will be calling it (for me) an early night and wind things up shortly.

Tomorrow could be interesting. I did my job today, which means three legislators are going to be royally pissed. I knew what the three stooges had been up to, but couldn't get anyone to go on the record until today. And I'm grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I am already on their hit list - but they're also on mine, and thank God, people are listening now when I report it. It took me a while to get there. I came into a mess and a half a couple of years ago when I arrived.

For tonight, however, my arrival is going to be limited to my own bed. Toodles!

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )