Radiogurl a la Carte

Sunday, May. 23, 2004
Spank_Me

Wow... I can see! It's a miracle! Spank me!

No, you didn't accidentally tune into a BDSM rewrite of Elmer Gantry - just one very happy Radiogurl to have new glasses. I would love having contacts but after paying out a small fortune for contacts several years ago, I discovered a dirty little secret they don't tell you until AFTER you order and pay for them. If you've got moderate-to-severe astigmatism, you're wasting your money, even on gas permeable (aka 'hard') lenses. Because you simply can't see worth shit when you are wearing them, and the optomitrist's cheery reply is, "You'll probably get used to them."

I know the disposable lenses are about 10 apiece now, but honey, that wasn't the case for the gas permeable monsters that I couldn't even wear. I think I paid about $300 for them back in the late 80's - early 90's or thereabouts.

My daughter says my new set of eyes make me look like I did in my high school freshman picture. Now there's a joy, something to put me right up there in Happy World USA. Of all photos to pick on, let's select the all-time worst.

You tell me how great you looked at that age. And let's be honest now. How big was your 'fro, whether or not you were African American? Of if you were a child of the 80's, how tall were your bangs, which towered over everything else, adding a good four inches to the height you could list on your driver's license? I had neither of those, but went to school on picture day that year with dirty straight blond hair and a wrinkled white tee shirt, no makeup, and an attitude big as Manhattan. And it showed, believe me.

The only thing saving 00's life is the fact that she added 'really cute' to her description, and the fact that I can see enough better not to care what the damned things look like.

I also like having prescription sunglasses. Discovered driving home from Phoenix that they make a huge difference in the eyestrain factor, since 99% of daylight hours in Arizona qualify as 'blinding sun'. Seriously, Phoenix is known as the Valley of the Sun because the sun shines an average of 350 days per year. The number one place for sunshine isn't Phoenix, though it is also in Arizona. Per the Guiness Book of World Records, the top city for sunshine is Yuma, Arizona, where the sun shines a mean of 4055 hours out of 4456 possible hours in a year.

For someone who's gone days under cloud cover and thinking I'm bragging, you've never gone seven months straight without rain and lived through several days straight of 118F (47.7C) weather unbroken by clouds. A couple of summers of that and you'll appreciate every cloudy day.

I've meandered pretty far off track here, I know. But at least now I can see the track!

Oh, and I have an answer to Dangerspouse's challenge to spank his monkey, with another one - explaining the reference in the first line of 'Spank me!'. How good are you at spanking the monkey? Find out here. I got him at 428 MPH. How fast are YOU at spanking that monkey? If you beat me by some outrageous figure, you'd better provide a screen shot!

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )