Radiogurl a la Carte

Saturday, Apr. 30, 2005
Thy Name is Car

All right.

I have a vehicle.

And the near-blind panic that accompanies the process.

At this point the big concern is the job transition. I had to get the loan based on the old job, which technically is over. They will have to verify my employment and income, I'm sure, and that's what could be my undoing. It means I'm still somewhat obligated to my former boss. If he tips them off to the fact that I'm now going working elsewhere - even though it's more money, etc - it could result in a denial of the loan.

And I like my new car... No, I LOVE my new car. Even though I'm also freaking out about the budget. If I can get through this next month I'll be okay. I just have to survive until then, pay the rest on the car, get the paperwork through on the loan without a glitch, and try to hold onto the last shreds of my sanity.

And then make the payments, which are going to be a significant chunk of my salary.

Never mind me, by the way. I always freak out over anything that includes dollar signs. Old habits die hard. I just have to pick my butt up and get some rest and recognize that this is part of real life. You must have a vehicle to function and worst-case scenario is one I've encountered before: I get denied for the loan and lose my down payment.

I'd be screwed and out money and out of a job but oh well.

We're past the first hurdle. Once I get through the next few days I'll be okay. I have to believe that...

The vehicle is actually a black 2000 Suzuki SUV. Beautiful truck and I love it - and I actually NEED it. A part of me says it's too good for me; another part screams that I've worked my ASS off and deserve it. The biggest voice is shrieking that I must be out of my frigging mind to apply for a loan when going to a new job.

I've got to get a cell phone and forward my home telephone to it. There will no doubt be a follow-up call in a few days and I can't be here physically to answer it. I just hate that I'm still getting junk calls from local people.

I don't like misrepresenting things but dang... If I don't have the car, I don't have the job either. It would be different if I wasn't employed at all. But I have a job to go to and won't miss even one day of work.

Excuse me while I go hyperventilate for a few more weeks.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )