Radiogurl a la Carte

Saturday, Jun. 25, 2005
Not A Special K

Man... remind me not to go out on another date again, okay?

No... really.

I mean it.

Yeah, it was that umm... unique.

Since the wildfires were pretty well under control by last night, K came up here anyway. He was seriously nice looking but aside from the fact that we basically had nothing at ALL in common, there were so many things wrong that it was downright surreal.

For starters, I should explain that I have no problems with short men. At 5'7" he was pretty short. No big deal, same size height as my college boyfriend. However, unlike my college boyfriend, who was more or less of human origins, this guy's wrists couldn't have been more than three or four inches around. I mean, I was seriously afraid of breaking him, and at 5'4" or thereabouts I'm hardly an Amazon. He has a little bit of tummy on him - VERY little - but that's about it.

Still, like I said, he was cute, I'd cooked dinner, and I was thinking what the heck. I had asked him ahead of time specifically what he wanted to eat and had a choice of steaks or chicken, etc. I didn't think about it at the time but I realize now he is almost certainly Hindu in religious beliefs, as he quickly demurred whenever I mentioned any food that involved beef.

No worries - I fixed chicken and veggies. He told me he liked pretty much anything so I fixed that, including mushrooms. As you've probably already guessed, he didn't like mushrooms. In fact, despite my asking him what he did and didn't like and his reassurances that he liked almost anything, he finally admitted he's a very picky eater. I wouldn't even mind that if he'd TOLD me so I could've fixed something else. I bought a coffee pot specifically with him in mind, because frankly I loath the stuff.

I think the coffee was the only thing that went right, and even that took two tries.

Without going into tooooo much detail, the man had bragged about how he is a fantastic kisser. I personally don't know because he didn't kiss me, though believe me, he tried absolutely everything else. By the time he'd been there a couple of hours I was ready to do literally ANYTHING to get this date over with, thank you very much. (And yes, I do mean ANYTHING.)

Hey, I figured I did some things that are in direct violation of my religious beliefs, things like waiting on him. At my house, you are welcome to anything I have in the fridge, etc., but you have to get it for yourself. Slavery went out with Lincoln. I mean, I don't mind babying and catering to someone if it is a genuinely intimate situation, and if I'm with someone where I know fairly well I'm the actual girl he's interested in. If given the opportunity and encouragement I'm happy to make it a very sensual experience, and let the man know he's privileged to get that kind of attentions from me.

Last night, though, I was nothing more than a substitute for a real girlfriend, and I was not in the mood to play nice with someone who made it quite clear that's all I'd ever be. No, he didn't verbalize that, but body language (among other things) made it crystal clear. I didn't need the book "He's Just Not That Into You" to get the message.

I think I will put some more details on the private site but even as irked as I am, I won't embarrass the guy on the possibility that he (or someone he knows) reads here. Though damn... it's really tempting.

What's really priceless is that after all of this, he acted genuinely butt-hurt that I told him no, I didn't think we should see each other again. He insisted that I'd misread him, that he was really interested. Oh, I believe he is interested, all right, but his interest lies with the potential for impersonal sex and nothing more. I'm willing to consider cultural differences, but I'd have had to be blind and retarded to have missed THOSE signals.

Last night's minor disaster isn't the end of the world but I do think I'm shutting down that Yahoo address. I've got another Yahoo identity which, granted, I haven't used in forever, but it let me chat with friends without risk of being hit on any more strangers while online.

I get the distinct impression that K figured because he's got money and I don't that I'd just fall into bed with him and go along with whatever he wanted.

He doesn't realize I've dumped two millionaires who were jerks. Money is nice to have if it is mine, but I'd rather scrape by on my own than sell my soul to some creep for his bank account. Maybe that's a horrible way to look at it, and I don't know if this man actually even realized how he was coming across. I have a sneaky feeling he may not have. But believe me, I can tell if a man is really interested in me, and it just wasn't there. He wanted a f***-buddy, at best. The fact that I can cook and it would have gotten him a place to visit that's out of the heat were bonus points. If I meet a man with money who's actually interested in me personally (which has also happened) then that's fine. But I don't date for $$. Never have and not about to start now.

I mean, I barely KNEW this guy, had only talked to him three or four times, and he was pushing his luck. There was no chemistry, nothing. In all fairness, he did insist on watching the Lifetime Channel, which he said was a women's channel. I even politely told him I mostly watch Sci-Fi, thinking he'd turn to something else. Maybe he figured sappy romance would help his case. Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for me) the Lifetime channel was featuring murder movies!

I'm not mad at K, though if he'd pushed me a little more I think I would have gotten that way. And I know in reason if he was pushing every tick-me-off button I've got on the first date, there's no way we were EVER going to be a couple.

But that's okay - I got my proverbial feet wet, put myself back out there AND am planning to keep trying. But next time around I'm following my instincts, baby. My gut told me this guy was dead wrong for me, and I didn't listen. That'll teach me!

This sounds vicious and like I hate all men, and really it isn't that way.

I'm actually talking with another couple of guys who seem a little more attuned to my world, including one guy who was himself a victim of several instances of domestic violence. His ex stabbed him, among other things. That kind of history brings its own set of problems but at the very least I imagine it would help keep things at a slow pace. We both grew up in the midwest and I got the sense that we share views on family and work ethics, etc. That alone means a whole lot. Plus he's got family here so comes into town on a regular basis. That might be good, might be bad, but this time around NOBODY's coming to my house until I have known them for longer than one or two conversations.

The downside? His voice reminds me a little too much of my dad. Hopefully it's just the midwestern accent. Because if I meet him in person and get visions of Daddy Dearest, I outta there like a bat outta hell.

I've actually kept my sense of humor more or less intact with this little fiasco, and I know that things will work out as they're meant to. I dunno - should I write a singles ad for the paper?

  • DWF seeking man who has some kind of actual job, sense of humor, sense of compassion, doesn't need a dictionary to define or live by the word "honesty," and understands that respect for this woman will get him treated like a king. Married men need not apply. Prefer member of own (human) species. Football addiction acceptable, social drinker okay, but no smokers please.

I guess those things are asking too much, right?

I've had to come in to work today twice. We had a catastrophic crash this morning, the blue screen ate our system so we were off the air. I came in and took care of today's schedule this morning, then came in tonight to take it on through Monday and to do the maintenance I should've done long ago. The new software is NOT doing what it's supposed to do, but given the amount of crap and corrupted files on the other computer, that doesn't surprise me too awfully much. Now that I've deleted a lot of superfluous whatnot and installed new on-air software, eliminated some duplicate audio files, I'm going to install Norton and kill all of the corrupted stuff.

But not tonight.

If it wasn't so late I'd go see if the new Bewitched movie is playing in town, but it's after 9pm and I'm going to go home and sleep as soon as I get the chance. Too late for the last showing here tonight, anyway.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )