Thursday, Aug. 04, 2005
Okay... deep breath and start again...
I'm thinking yesterday might have been a case of crossed wires. I'm willing to concede to the possibility, for a lot of reasons. I know T's cell phone has been on the fritz for a while now, so I'm guessing no messages went through. And while T originally asked me to meet him, when he was here night before last he rescinded that, saying he didn't want me driving at ungodly hours, particularly with the recent weather.
I replied at the time that rain doesn't faze me, though snow would probably give me pause. I meant that as in, "I'll still be coming." (I followed up with a bit more than that, didn't just leave it at that. But looking back, it's possible he missed or misunderstood.)
That being the case, he wouldn't have been expecting me, thinking I was at home. Obviously there are any number of less desireable possibilities, ranging from the tragic (a car wreck or something of that order) to the deadly (another woman, lol.) There's also the man option - "I forgot." I know that one well, have heard it a bazillion times. Of course that last one, given the fact that I drove that far and bypassed much-needed sleep to get there, wouldn't be a heck of a lot better than the "other woman" option.
I am not really a jealous person by nature. If someone else enters the picture, I would typically make a silent exit, nurse my wounds, and then channel my anger and hurt into doing something constructive professionally.
In this case, I'm not so sure I'd be willing to do that.
When I walked through the door at home last night, I was confronted with some things that didn't jive with a plan to jilt. Plans can change, obviously... but a change of plans of that magnitude just doesn't fit what I was seeing at home, nor of what I've seen of this man. I'm inclined to at LEAST take a wait-and-see attitude.
The light of day (and several hours of sleep) can put things into better perspective. I'm not ready to lock up just yet, not without finding out if this was an intentional slamming of the door or a simple misunderstanding.
Different note - when I went home for lunch yesterday there was a UPS box on my front porch. It was a new purse, something much-needed (my old one had literally just fallen apart the previous day.) It could only have come from one of four people who have my home mailing address, three of whom are here on Diaryland. There was no note, nothing to say for sure who sent it. Whoever did, THANK YOU! It's precisely my taste and couldn't have been timed better.
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )