Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2005
I Can See Clearly Now
Just to clarify, there was a reason for talking about walking away from T yesterday. I've had two men walk out of my life because of my children, because they couldn't handle the very harsh realities along those lines. One of those men was someone I'd known for years and trusted implicitly and believed he cared about me. The other was married to me.
My plan to walk away was meant as a pre-emptive move. I just figured it was inevitable, and might as well resign myself to the fact. I had been taught by experience not to tell anyone anything if I hoped to keep them in my life, and that when it came to the point of not having a choice, it was simply the end of the relationship.
I knew that T was cut from a different cloth from anyone who came before, but let's face it - we're talking about a child with a drug problem, one who has nearly bankrupted me again and again. At the very best I expected I'd be told to make a choice -- thee or me, so to speak.
My wake-up call was literally a wake-up call this morning.
For any man to get up at that hour of the morning when he doesn't have to... that alone speaks volumes. T's responses to everything just blew me away, time after time after time. He offered support without judgment, offered some valid suggestions, and repeated to me he loved me. And yes, I replied in kind, and it is the truth. I'm not that much of a fool. I know the real thing when I see it, even if I can't honestly say I'd seen it before, not in my life.
Until now I wouldn't post a lot of details about T here, partly out of respect for his privacy, and partly because I was more or less waiting for the other shoe to drop, even though I denied the fact. It took until now for me to really recognize that there is no other shoe. Unless maybe it's a glass slipper - because one thing is for sure: I have a prince in my life.
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )