Radiogurl a la Carte

Thursday, Oct. 13, 2005
Take a Left On Primordia and Right on HELL No

Argh. I had an entry nearly done this morning when work intruded. Go figure!

I think I'm going to back out of the date this weekend. There are a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which is that my bathroom sink sprung a leak. They're hopefully going to come in later today to fix it, but I've got a nice soggy carpet now that I'm going to have to clean. This time of year, unless I steam-clean it early, it'll be moldy in no time.

If that sounds like an excuse, it is. Sort of. I really did develop a nasty leak under the bathroom sink, but I also don't want to drive 85 miles for someone I'm frankly not all that interested in. He's probably a perfectly nice man. He's just not my type.

As to the other guy (I'd been talking to a couple of guys) also from the Phoenix area, I didn't hear from him again. Talked to him on the phone a couple of nights ago and he seemed interested. But oh well. I won't cry there either.

I did, however, get an email from Bachelor Number 3 today, and he's a doozy. Picture a fifty-something man, in so-so shape, wearing plastic devil horns and a red plastic cape, no shirt, hairy chest, slumped over with a sour expression on his face. Now imagine that this is in his profile:

Hi ladies Its a 1955 pristeen hot rod ....4 on the floor ,cozy bucket seats , hard top with full brown cover and clear blue headlights shinning on you . I am a bit naughty but always very good I am single unattached and dont think starbucks is the first date place ! Come on ladies press down on my accelerator pedal and hear my engine purr not missing a beat Kick the tires plenty of good miles left on them babies .Turn up my radio Dial and hear the sensual tunes that will drive you wild . Ok Hop in and lets go for a spin around the block you'll never know if you dont turn on the Key .

I wouldn't normally do that to someone, but this is a public profile and HE seems certain that his self-description will be irresistable to women. Ladies, if this appeals to you, email me and I'll be happy to sic him on you get you in touch with him. It's about a 9.0 on my Ick-ter Scale. And that's crediting him half a point for sheer pity's sake.

What's sadder still, that's not the worst approach I've seen. Some of them are just not to be believed. (And guys - no this fellow is NOT on Diaryland and is NOT one of my readers. If you see yourself in THIS profile, get thee to a therapist immediately. They will squeeze you in as an emergency case, trust me on this.) As you can see, I wasn't kidding about the loser quotient in males. I swear on days like these that the term "dating pool" is a misnomer. It's a frigging primordial ooze!

By the way, no I won't post the guy's photo here, but if you honestly want to see it, email me and I'll send it to you. You have to see it to realize how much I am not exaggerating. And no, this isn't from one of those joke sites. This person is apparently dead serious.

A word of advice, guys: if you want to impress a woman, posting a photo of yourself in your Halloween costume probably isn't your best move. Especially not if you look like you were forced to wear it and would've rather been anywhere else but in the stupid costume.

I am glad I didn't withdraw from the dating scene. People like the above are just priceless. I mean, there's enough material on some of these folks to single-handedly revive the sitcom as an art form, or there would be if they weren't so unbelievable. At the very least, I've got fodder for several novels!

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )