Friday, Oct. 21, 2005
If Life was a person, he or she would probably be laughing like a drunk hyena at half of the curve balls thrown this way. Please... somebody tell me they go through the truly bizarre on the level I live. I'd hate to think I'm hogging alllllll of the weirdness for myself.
Someone once told me that you get what you expect in life. If you expect gloom and despair, you get gloom and despair. If you expect good things, you get good things. Honey, ain't no way, because I never could expect some of the things life throws my way. There are things that are entirely too weird for belief. My imagination is good - just not THAT good.
My youngest daughter told me last night to drive to Mesa today, because she's getting married this evening at a JP there. I started to tell her she's too young; then I realized at twenty, she's older than I was when I married her father. Not like that's a wonderful recommendation or anything, but it does put things into perspective. I haven't met her husband-to-be. I have seen his pictures, the ones with the close-ups of the skull tattoo on his upper arm. Not exactly what I'd like to see, but as long as he's decent to her I won't say anything. If he pisses her off, though, he's on his own. I won't save him from her.
Meanwhile, Mr. Attractive is continuing to pursue me. There's a whole heck of a lot more to that than I'm writing here and I'm still not sure exactly how to deal with him - particularly in light of some extreme details that have come to light over the past few days. I'm going to move ahead - cautiously - and have already told him if things get too hairy I'm outta there. And in this case, trust me, it's more than just your average run-of-the-mill cold feet.
I might end up walking out on this one before ever meeting him again, because the more I think about the whole enchilada the more nervous I become. I find myself wondering if spending time with him will keep me from Mr. Right. And then I laugh hysterically and wonder if, insane as it sounds in light of the particulars, he IS Mr. Right for me.
You know, I said something about the obvious financial gulf between us, but in reality it's not about the money. It's personality. I don't dislike him, don't get me wrong. Nor am I afraid he will do physical harm to me, nothing like that. Do I worry about the potential for another emotional catastrophe? Oh yeah. Only in this case I worry about the potential for that catastrophe to go either direction, in equal depth. I think that has to be a first.
I hate being so oblique but there are some things I cannot post here. I gave my word to respect his privacy and I keep my promises, even in cases where keeping them threatens to send me to the loony bin.
There's one more factor in all of this that's straight from the twilight zone. Four of the men who've approached me have the same name (including Mr. Attractive.) Which also happens to be my ex-boss's name, just to add a layer of the truly fuh-reaky. Two of them called me at work the other morning and frankly when they said, "This is ...," for several minutes into the conversations I didn't have a clue WHICH "..." I was talking to. I felt like somebody plopped me into the middle of an Abbott and Costello schtick.
You know, four of a kind is normally a winning hand. Here, while it certainly makes me feel like a player, I wonder if I'm looking at four jokers. Because God knows they're all wild in their own ways.
I'm beginning to think my original idea (returning to my nice, cozy little hermit's cave to sulk for oh, ten years or so) was the better move, after all.
I notice my male readers have been mostly silent throughout this morass. No, I don't think all guys are psychotic messes. I know, rationally, that it just isn't the case. And as I think I said here a while back, sooner or later I'm bound to meet a good guy, by the law of averages. Though hearing again from Dr. BJ this morning doesn't reinforce my theory in any good way.
When I told my friend M about the guys who hit me up to be their Domme, I thought she was going to hurt herself laughing. And no, I'm not remotely offended, because I happen to agree with her assessment of the situation. Guess I need to work on my technique with black leather and whip...
Before - After
In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )