Radiogurl a la Carte

Thursday, Nov. 24, 2005

It's 10:41pm in California, where I'm sitting at the home of the fabulous poolagirl, with the equally fabulous nicim sitting just a couple of feet away, likewise typing and reading diaries.

Many MANY thanks to the incomparable hissandtell for the stunning TIARAS she sent for Nici and me - we discovered that they're the perfect travel attire. Come to think of it, a tiara is the perfect attire for virtually any situation.

During a phone call (via cell phone) with 00 during the day, I explained to her that Nici and I were driving along the highway and wearing tiaras. My daughter's response was, "Maybe what's the scariest thing is that when you tell me you're driving down the highway and wearing a tiara, I don't even question it."

This is the first trip to San Diego in 27 years. My previous trip, I had a two-month old baby and we took a tour-bus tour that hauled us on a nonstop drive through town and then crossed the border into Tijuana. For all intents and purposes, therefore, I'm a first-time visitor.

Unfortunately Findlay wasn't able to attend, though he's been with us in spirit (and in numerous phone calls.) He and his family could use all the prayers that they can get right now. If you post a note on nicim's diary, she'll see that he gets the message.

We also were privileged to meet wildrosie and her daughters, including queenofrats. They struck me as some of the most generous people I've ever met and I look forward to catching up with them again. If I'm able to visit Tucson next weekend (which is my tentative plan,) I intend to give her a call and see if we can connect again then.

This has been a trip of surprises - some delicious, like hissandtell's gifts and poolagirl's palm readings. Some heartbreaking, like Findlay's current situation. I look for more of the good surprises tomorrow and the next several days.

This journey has been an adventure and a privilege for me. I so rarely get time off, and it's even rarer that I get to go anywhere on that rare time off. Getting to meet the folks to whom before I've only addressed online or by phone - truly the meaning of the word "priceless."

I can't recall who told me that when you meet someone under these circumstances, it's a bit like an imaginary friend has come to life. I suppose that there's a little of that; but in general, it's more like getting an incredible gift from old friends. After a while of reading someone's diary, you truly get the sense of who they are. Each of us is more than the sum of our Diaryland entries, but the essence of who we are comes out in our words.

One of poolagirl's comments while doing a palm reading? That I over-intellectualize. My diary alone proves that, though as she correctly interpreted, it goes well beyond that, to the point that it becomes a dysfunction. As I told her, it's a coping mechanism, operating on the concept that if I intellectualize, it can't hurt me. And no, it doesn't work - all it does is leave me detached from myself and from other people.

There are other aspects of the reading I'll keep to myself, but one struck me as almost funny. She seemed surprised to hear that I've never had a good relationship.

Face it, that's nearly unheard-of for someone my age. And it's also true.

Other things she mentioned I'll keep to myself, though I will say that one comment was an exact echo of an email I got from Michael a few months ago.

Perhaps the most intriguing detail was the timing of the reading. It coincided with a nexus in my life. I am at a point in time where I need to make several key decisions about where I am going and what I am going to do in terms of career, of love, and of life in general.

I am still not sure how things will turn out, honestly. I'm making life up as I go along.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )