Radiogurl a la Carte

Monday, Aug. 09, 2004
Bicycle Trip and Prodigal Sister

I am happy to report that I will never cut it as an alcoholic. I am not overly fond of the taste of alcohol.

But so far a drink before bedtime seems to be having the desired effect of letting me sleep, and sleep soundly, so I will probably continue the practice for at least a few days, to get myself back into something nearer a normal sleep schedule again. It felt wonderful to wake this morning before my alarm went off and to actually feel reasonably GOOD when I woke up!

A friend of mine pointed out something I was pretty sure I'd heard before, that insomnia can be a symptom of menopause. That's certainly within the range of possibility, given my age. I can't pinpoint anything I'd consider hot flashes, but then again, I live in Arizona. If you're hot, it just means you're still breathing. I don't mind - it's not like I plan to have any more children (even if I could) and since I live alone, nobody's around who has to put up with me if I'm moody and irrational.

On a different note, I had a weird dream last night. It fits in with my current situation of work and home, didn't feel threatening or anything. Thought I'd post it here:

I was bicycling along the road, near where I grew up (in the bigger city adjacent to where I grew up, specifically). I was trying to get back home, more or less, though I was not in a big hurry. I saw a bunch of kids playing along the way, and at heard at least one police siren where I thought a group of kids was running from doing something they shouldn't I was in a pretty run-down part of town, and while there were several changes, it was still familiar - I knew the general lay of the land and knew where I was going.

I rode into a business district still kind of seedy, though I remember some newer buildings, including one that had a bunch of Coke bottles on the roof (two six packs on some kind of a rotation system so they were moving up and forward). Then I rode into a building I think was a motel, and couldn't figure out how I got there. A man was sticking his head out of one of the doors he wasn't anyone I recognized, and I started backtracking to get back out and get back on the right road. That's when I woke up.

It was very non-threatening, just a sense of motion throughout and the underlying thought of taking some pictures. There were some moments of mild uneasiness, but always the sense that I was home or nearly so and I'd be fine.

I've done dream interpretations for other people (and while there are plenty of people who pooh-pooh the idea, I do think that our dreams are wonderful tools for insight into ourselves), but this is the first time I've tried to seriously interpret a dream for myself. It already got my attention by the fact that I recalled it in such detail when I woke up, and add to that a siren I heard in the course of my journey - while it didn't wake me physically, it's indicative of a wake-up call of sorts.

If anyone else wants to look at it and add their two cents' worth, I'd be tickled pink, even though I am fairly confident in the overall meaning. I'm facing a personal journey, both in the sense of physically moving and in the sense of moving on with my life. Other details fit what's happening in my life, too. Again, no real surprises, just a reinforcement that it's time for me to do more than just talk about changes, I need to actually make them, for the sake of my own well-being. And the reference to being close to home is probably a carryover to the fact that I'm looking at Indianapolis, which while hardly next-door, is still not too far from where I grew up.

Talked briefly to my sister last night. I guess I didn't realize how long since I'd heard from her - as we chatted, she said that it was like talking about complete strangers, because so much had happened in the past few months that she didn't know about. She couldn't talk long but I get the sneaky suspicion that she's ready to drop her loser hubby on his ugly head. Not absolutely sure what's going on but hope to find out this weekend, if possible.

00 made the comment that it would be wonderful if that happened - her remark was "We'd have Aunt L back." That is pretty much what it felt like - when she remarried a few years ago, my sister was effectively isolated from us. But knowing what I do about her hubby, she'll have to move out of state to escape him fullly.

Wonder what she thinks of Indiana?

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )