Radiogurl a la Carte

Saturday, Dec. 11, 2004

Is it just me, or is everyone depressed about now?

00 said she's about to the point of walking away from Pipeboy, which is a good thing. He's working now, at least part time, but she's still paying all of the bills and even for his vehicle insurance. The starter is nearly gone on his truck and he hasn't paid for ANYTHING yet, not even to get it fixed. I talked to her and we're talking about her moving back in with me. If we share expenses it won't take long for us to get a washing machine AND a car. It would help us both, in a big way.

Don't have a clue, though, what will happen with Youngest Daughter. She still has no job and truthfully, long as she lives here she won't get one. I love her and love my granddaughter, but I'm at the end of my rope with them. I can't and won't keep supporting my daughter indefinitely. It's not even fair to her to let her sit on her butt and think the world will be handed to her on a silver platter, and that's pretty much what's happening at the moment. We went to the store the other day and she brought clothes up when I was at the checkout stand. She has no compunctions about demanding what she wants, but doesn't want to work for it. Her biggest problem during her whole life has been the fact that she does not EVER accept the responsibility for her actions. The one exception is her daughter. At least if she's going to be responsible I'm glad it's in that department.

In all fairness, she is also pretty good about keeping the kitchen and living room clean when she's here, but her bedroom is trashed and her keeping house, while much appreciated, doesn't pay the bills nor get her any closer to getting her own place.

She took off a couple of nights ago to the Valley (aka Phoenix area.) I don't know who she's staying with but I hope she decides to stay indefinitely. I can't handle her much longer. I can't AFFORD her.

I'm supposed to be in Phoenix for Christmas, when my dad's supposed to remarry. In all reality I've got to pay the bills, still have a couple of small Christmas gifts to buy, and will have to buy groceries for myself, my daughter, and my granddaughter. And of course I still don't have a car so in order to drive down I'd have to rent a vehicle. If I can figure out how to get the money for that I'll probably do it, on principle. Much as I dislike my father, it's only right I attend his wedding, particularly since he decided to hold it in the Valley. (He lives in Texas and his wife-to-be is also coming here from out of state.) Besides, I want to see my sister and both of my boys, all of whom live in the Phoenix metro area.

I haven't seen my electric bill yet - at least this time of year that drops considerably, thank goodness. My phone bill was maxed out again. While my long-distance plan caps at $20 a month, I'm thinking of removing long distance altogether again. I can keep a calling card for myself (which I did for years, anyway,) and thus make it considerably less convenient for Youngest Daughter to call her buddies and talk for hours nonstop.

I'm sure that won't be enough to convince her to move out, but it's a start.

I have a washing machine on layaway and will be thrilled to pay it off. I considered doing a rent-to-own deal for a washer and dryer but wasn't sure I could handle the expense. At this point I'm already paying about $80 a month to do laundry, plus the gas to run back and forth to the laundromat, never mind the wear and tear on my system. Rent-to-own brings it up over $100 a month with tax, plus the additional amount on my utility bills. I won't have a dryer but most of the year here it's not a big deal to hang things out to dry. Besides which, clothes that dry outdoors smell sooooo much better, and it keeps your white things really bright. Downside is you have to watch the colored stuff because the sun will fade those things if you leave them out too long.

Anyone have a solution for a chronic headache? I hate to keep popping ibuprofin and its ilk nonstop. I feel like a frigging drug addict. I know I need to go back to the doctor, but that's laughable. Last time I had a long-term headache like this I had swelling of the brain and they couldn't ever find a cause. I went to Barrow's Neurological institute, took a battery of tests, and everything came out normal. Oh, except for the little detail of going blind for a week and of having a combination of rare conditions called uv-itis and papilledema. The opthamologist said he'd never seen anyone with both.

I know that stress and exhaustion are contributing factors, but not like I can do a heck of a lot about those at the moment. I'm laying the groundwork for a move, hopefully this spring, but who knows what will happen in the interim?

Boss, meanwhile, has decided to get a second and third opinion before having his surgery. He was supposed to have the surgery next Wednesday, the 15th. I guess that's off for now.

All together now, can we say "Stupid man!"

I can understand getting a second opinion but you don't wait until the day prior to a scheduled surgery to get it, and don't cancel a surgery that might conceivably be life and death BEFORE getting the second opinion. I mean, they're looking potentially at cancer and he's pissing time away by playing the 'if I ignore it maybe it will go away' game.

I'm probably going to have more pictures for you after tonight, or at least I hope so. On a more positive note, one of the nice things about living in a small community is that really, there are more things to attend. Tonight is the annual light parade. While it's not the Rose Parade, it's still a lot of fun and the local folks tend to go all out. The IBEW (International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers' union) is busy for weeks prior to the event.

One other thing I thought was extremely cool - the Town of Miami had the ceremonial lighting of its Christmas tree last night and the rest of its Small Town Christmas festival today. The city provides the tree and lights but the citizens bring ornaments to decorate it. Maybe I'm easily amused, but I think that's a charming tradition to start. On top of that, the town itself is actually going to provide a free lunch this morning to anyone who stops at the park during the music and other festivities. I imagine it'll be burgers and/or hot dogs, but who cares? It's the thought that counts and I think it's pretty neat.

Local churches are having plays, craft and bake sales, hot chocolate and coffee.

I have to get photos for the studio web page, anyway, so will probably post some of 'em here while I'm at it.

For the moment, though, I'm going back for at least a short nap. I was so dead on my feet last night that I fell into bed about 7pm. Unfortunately I woke about 1:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I don't want to sleep all day, just grab a catnap, so hopefully I'll sleep tonight. I hate weeks when I work so late so consistently because it undoes any chance of establishing a sleep routine.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )