Radiogurl a la Carte

Monday, Oct. 18, 2004
Back to the Grindstone

Eep! I am just starting this entry and looked at the date. It's past midnight. Again. Oh well, I took a two-hour nap this afternoon so I'll at least post something brief tonight.

Michael, thank you for the phone call tonight. It was a terrific luxury to sit down for a while and talk to someone, uninterrupted, no business, no pressure, no stress. Definitely made me smile. And I promise, no more teasing you about blowing smoke.

Until next time, anyway, bwahahaha!

Youngest Daughter and her boyfriend are back. I'm more or less fine with my daughter being here, but her boyfriend will be out tomorrow, one way or another. I supported the two men I was married to, when I was married to them, and I have now resumed support of my nineteen-year-old and part-time for her baby. I am NOT going to support a twenty-something man who is perfectly capable of supporting himself. I have little sympathy and no money!

My granddaughter is at her daddy's house for the week, so I will hopefully get a little rest sometime over the next few days.

I know I won't really get a decent break until I leave this job, but for the moment I'll have to make do. Boss is pushing it even more now, though. He dropped by my house this afternoon late to give me grief about something that 1) was neither my fault nor my responsibility and 2) wasn't even work-related.

I'm making allowances for a lot of things. I'm running awfully low on patience. I think Boss is probably also miffed because I disconnected my answering machine. It wasn't done to avoid work (if only it were that simple!) The machine is a combination cordless phone/answering machine and the battery died on the phone portion. I need two phones, so I had to exchange that phone combo for one that doesn't have a built-in answering machine, at least until I can replace the battery.

Boss stomped off in a huff, but either he'll get over it or he'll have to hire someone to run the station for him. And I doubt he'll find anyone who does all that I do for what he pays me. That doesn't mean I'm fooled into believing I'm irreplaceable. Nobody is irreplaceable. But getting someone here, into this area, who can do the things I do and is willing to work for this wage? That's the kicker. Not many possibilities out there. Boss has already been trying for months to talk one man into coming here to work. The guy's starving in NYC, even though he's certainly talented and can do most, if not all, that I now do. The man's personal life is a mess. He's a prime candidate for being conned... er, hired by our station. He's worked here before and there's the added bonus that he likes Boss. Even with those strikes against him, though, he isn't willing to come back here. Evidently he's smarter than I am.

I'm actually feeling somewhat better tonight overall. I know that my time with this job is about up, and once I leave the station this time, I won't be back. I hope I can be hired to a job that pays more than minimum wage and operates on something near a forty-hour work week. If it includes vacations and benefits, so much the better!

Someone told me that I am enabing boss to keep up the illusion of competence, when in reality he needs to retire. There's no doubt of that. I'm fully aware of it, in fact. There's also no doubt in my mind that for Boss to retire is tantamount to suicide. As is true for many, many men, his entire reason for existence is his business. It's the one thing women have over men - our lives tend to be more balanced. We may enjoy our work but we invariably have more interests to sustain us physically, psychologically, and emotionally. Experts say men equate themselves with their jobs, and have a hard time with self-worth outside their employment. Most women realize that your job is what you do, not who you are.

For any male readers out there, it's the one difference in men and women that can and should be a treasure trove to you. If you learn to appreciate that you have value outside of work, it will make you a healthier human being, all the way around. You really are more than the sum total of what you do for a living, and we women see you as such. Sex is part of it (and a very good part of it!) but you are more than that, too. Without sex AND without a job, you are still a living, breathing, sentient, valuable person.

I don't know why it was important to say that but my gut instinct tells me someone needed to read it.

It's past 1AM so guess I should go ahead and sign off for the night. Back to the grindstone tomorrow...

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )