Radiogurl a la Carte

Sunday, May. 09, 2004

I have not died, though there have been times lately I was beginning to wonder.

I'm exhausted today, but exhausted in a good way. The past few days I've been trying to accomplish things I've put off forever. Some at work, some at home. Yesterday I wasn't online at all until VERY late night, and only in a limited capacity then.

However, I cleaned out my closet, getting rid of all of the clothes that are too big. Which means I have a nearly naked closet now. And I'm smiling about that.

I have to do laundry more often, which is good and bad. It means I have to take off three hours of my weekend EVERY weekend now to go to the laundromat (will hopefully be getting a washing machine soon!). But I've now lost nearly fifty pounds since going on the Atkins diet - which I began April 1st. I've lost three sizes. I'm still far from skinny, but damn... I looked in a mirror the other day and thought it was distorted. Then I realized, no, it wasn't distortion. I really am that much smaller now.

I'm shooting for a size 10, which for my bone structure is not bad. If I get to an 8, I'll be ecstatic. Anything smaller than that is too small for me. And I'm halfway there already, which just blows me away.

I took a bunch of stuff to the Goodwill store, and dug through things I was going to send to the Goodwill store because they were too small and I hadn't worn them in years. Some of them fit now. Some of them were too big now.

I've also lost at least one shoe size, which surprised me. I can now buy cheap shoes and they fit - something I haven't been able to do in at least five years or thereabouts.

Something must be working because 1) Boss actually gave me a compliment Friday. Said he's known me for a lot of years and my smile looks better than he's ever seen it. Weird comment but I figured I'll take what I can get. And 2) Boss is going on Atkins asap. And 3) I've got an empty closet and dresser, and know I'll have to replenish again in a couple of more months.

I was glad to see Dangerspouse back to post again. Never trust the man with your bird. Or is it the other way around? Either way, I knew he was under the weather and am glad he's back to wreak his particular form of offensiveness on the virtual world.

To those whose diaries I haven't visited in days - I'll be playing catch-up soon, I hope. After sleeping, if possible, however. I fell asleep this morning at about 5am, after performing an insidious task called cleaning. It is something that, in my opinion, should be outlawed, except that the end result is almost worth the effort. Almost.

A side note: I want a piano. Not an electronic keyboard, which to my way of thinking is about as piano-like as a kazoo is like a flute. I want a real, honest-to-goodness, classified-percussion, built-of-wood, ebony-and-ivory piano. I grew up with one in the house and I will never be 'home' until I have my own piano sitting in the living room.

And yes I do play, albeit I'm no Liberace. I read and write music and love almost all kinds, though my preferences lie with classical and jazz. Considering I'm missing a couple of fingers on my left hand, I have adapted reasonably well. A piano has always been my alternative to valium. About a year's worth of antidepressants will pay for a modest used piano, too. I'm not getting it yet - my life is still too transitory. But soon, I think. Very soon.

I hope that life is getting better. I've been talking for a while with a friend about going into business. It would probably mean getting OUT of the radio biz. It might also mean nearer to 50 hours a week, so a reduction in hours; an occasional day off; and eventually, I hope, enough money to actually survive.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )