Radiogurl a la Carte

Sunday, Sept. 26, 2004
Living La Vida Loca

I'm probably not going to write a long entry tonight - I only slept a few hours last night, I'm exhausted, and tonight's a write-with-pen-and-paper night.

It's a strange day. Very strange, in fact.

As I've said before, I don't believe in coincidences, at least not when they arrive in packs, like wolves, swooping down on me from the woods when I am not expecting them. The previous sentence sounds like something out of a bad horror film, but so help me, some days I think I'm living in a bad horror film. Add a fake knife in the back, smoky lighting, a cheesy soundtrack, and voilá! Instant B movie.

Okay, maybe not quite that bad, but close.

The past few days I've been on an introspective kick, still wondering about the situation with Tall Guy. While I have a fairly good reason to think he's actually interested, it's still hazy enough I could be mistaken. And while yes, I am absolutely interested, I've also gone through a daily panic phase, asking myself what the heck I'm doing to so much as think of getting involved with a man. I don't do relationships well, my past is testament to that. I have cool and unflappable down pat, which serves me well in the news business, but is lousy for what should be an intimate situation.

Still and all, I'm working on that cold spell, doing my best to thaw out.

Today I went to church again, and since I have no transportation, my former in-laws (who are also the pastors of the church) gave me a ride both ways. While we were talking, the conversation turned to Church Guy. I guess his new wife didn't work out and he's on the hunt again. The inquiries were thrown out about me again, too. I was groaning inwardly the second I heard that.

But the next sentence from my former in-laws was that they told him to stay away from me! They said I'm one of their kids and if any man goes after me, he has to get their approval. While the tone was light, they were actually quite serious.

I'm 46 years old and a grandmother, myself. While I definitely appreciate their running interference with Church Guy, I can't help finding it funny that any man in my life has to pass inspection (never mind the fact that it's from my former in-laws!) Given my past history with the male species, I just might take them up on it, too. They are the parents of my first husband, who's been dead for nine and a half years. They're my kids' grandparents and while it hasn't always been that way, they really have treated me like family for the past few years.

That raises some interesting questions, though. While I do believe they would approve of Tall Guy's character, I know they would take issue with the point of religious beliefs. We're not talking about the difference between Baptist and Penticostal here, but a fairly radical variation. Since they are ministers, themselves, and Tall Guy is looking at potentially becoming a minister in his faith, I suspect I'd encounter some pretty strong opposition to the idea.

That was my kids' only issue, too: the difference in religious beliefs. Otherwise they seem perfectly fine at the thought of my becoming involved with this man. They know I've gone all these years without giving anyone a second look. When I told 00 that I was interested in Tall Guy, it warranted a double-take on her part, but since then she's relayed all pertinent details (such as they are) to the other kids. She's become sort of a self-appointed information desk.

If you've ever seen the Jim Carrey movie Bruce Almighty, you will remember the part where Bruce is asking God to give him a sign - and a truck full of signs turns in front of him (among other things). Today was like that for me. Outside of family, I got hit with at least a half dozen unrelated messages that basically all said the same thing. Some of them came from acquaintances who don't know my situation. One was something I picked up and read without knowing what I'd discover inside. And so on.

In short, the repetitive message said, "It's time to draw a line through the past and start fresh. It's time to let yourself love again."

I kid you not. Freaked me right out.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )