Radiogurl a la Carte

Saturday, Aug. 06, 2005
Theory of Relativity

My sister is certifiable. Totally nuts. Pure fruitcake.

Which is probably why I get along with her so beautifully, hehehe.

I just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago, telling her about T. Now mind you, this was a follow-up to her phone call earlier in the week, where I could just picture her standing, hand on hip, attitude written all over her face. Her message was pretty short and to the point: "What's a sister got to do to get the good dirt, already???"

Anyone reading here knew more about T than she did until today. I know, I know - I'm terribly negligent as a sister and all that jazz. But in all fairness, I DID try to call her. We just played phone tag forever. Plus this past week, the only nights I've actually been home, I've been with T, right up until last night. And there's no getting ahold of my baby sister on a Friday night.

That being the case, Little Sis and I exchanged our prerequisite heckling and of course kept up the barbs throughout the conversation. We talked about all the normal stuff, adding T into the usual family mix. She concluded that she's very happy for me - shocked, but happy. Keep in mind that I've been alone for a heck of a long time - long enough that for me to be involved with someone is a big, BIG deal. Hence the "shocked" part.

She also regaled me with boyfriend stories from her end.

Introducing a little bit more of my family here. As I've mentioned once before, only briefly, I don't really speak much to my brother and his family. It isn't that there's a feud, per se, but we live dramatically different lives. And while there isn't an actual fight in progress, I don't like them all that much, either. My brother is only 15 months younger than me, but he and his wife have money, which apparently makes them better than me and my family. I don't begrudge them their good jobs. I do resent the snobbery and not-always-subtle digs.

My little sis's new boyfriend is pretty much the polar opposite of that. He's vivacious, funny, warm... the quintessential extrovert, and loves puncturing those little balloons of pomposity.

Apparently my sister-in-law brought one of my nieces to my sister's house to meet the new boyfriend and the new boyfriend gave sis-in-law a hug as she was leaving. Nothing sexual, but also not the cold-fish version that sis-in-law was prepared to dish out. And after boyfriend hugged her and she was effectively flustered out of her mind he told her, "Now y'all can say you've been tagged by a black man!"

You have to picture this woman who dreams of being a society matron, probably dressed to the nines, perfectly coiffed and in heels and pearls. Then picture a largish black man in a fro and dashiki, giving her a bear hug while she doesn't have a clue how to react. Add to that his personal adios at the end.

Yup, it's about like that.

Good thing I wasn't there, because I'd probably have laughed until I broke a rib. And then my brother and my sister-in-law wouldn't speak to me.

Oh yeah, I forgot. They already pretty much don't speak to me and I don't speak to them.

Little sis asked me about getting together with T for a double date. She asked if I thought T could handle dealing with her boyfriend. I reminded her that there will be two women there - if her boyfriend crosses any lines, we can take him. And if not, there's always the women in his family. They can take anybody. Joking aside, I did send an email and ask T about the double-date thing. I don't know if he'll do it or not, but I figured I have nothing to lose by asking. If he balks at the prospect of meeting my sister, God help me if he ever meets my children. It's a bit early into the picture, granted, too... but T DOES know I was talking to my sis about him. In fact, he wanted very much to know what I was going to tell her about him. I told him what I'd told her at that point, will fill him in later if he wants to know. Of course if he does agree to the double date, knowing my sister...

Oh God... knowing my sister, maybe I should rescind the invitation now, while I still can...

I don't know how y'all are with siblings, but while my brother and I are essentially distant acquaintances these days, my sis and I basically tell each other everything. There are a few boundaries - specifics inside the bedroom are off limits, though generalities are fair game. And my sister has been known to tattle on me even at this age. She wouldn't ever do anything to intentionally hurt me, I don't mean that; but embarrass me, especially with T egging her on? Oh yeah... It's her God-given talent. If I put her in the same room with T, I'm in trouble!

Got an email from my dad today that taxed every limit of my diplomacy. He was talking about his recent choice to kick his soon-to-be ex-bride out. While I'd already gotten the nitty gritty from my sister, I still sit and shake my head at his idea of why things fell apart. He actually told us kids he's too old to change, therefore his new bride had to make 100 percent of all changes in order to accommodate his idiosyncracies (which are numerous and heavy emphasis on the idio[t] part.) It's irrelevant that this woman moved across the country, selling or otherwise disposing of everything she owned, just to marry him, virtually sight unseen.

Yep, that would be my dad, through and through. God forbid he might accidentally do something that might be construed as cooperative, kind, decent, thoughtful, yada yada. Those words not only aren't in his daily vocabulary, they're flat-out banned from his existence. Just "gimme gimme," and even that only according to his express (and grossly unrealistic) whims. I had had enough of his self-righteous garbage and emailed back that hey - maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but it was my understanding that if you have a relationship it should be give and take on both sides. But what do I know, right?

Best part is that knowing him, he'll email me back to tell me how wrong I am and how since I've had two failed marriages I am utterly clueless. Since, you know, my dad is an expert on relationships. That's why I called the police to the house when I was 8 years old, and why my mother was terrified of the SOB until the day she died.

Well it's about time for me to call it a night. I've accomplished almost nothing worthwhile today except an hour at work and a quick trip to the store to pick up some odds and ends. Tomorrow I need to do laundry and housework, all the stuff I put off today.

Before - After

In the grander scheme of things, no soul can truly be replaced. Each one of us has a place in the universal tapestry. We each contribute our own color and texture. When one thread is snipped too soon, it distorts all the threads around it. Other lives can unravel and tear. If the wrong thread is ripped away, the whole fabric of life becomes dangerously fragile.
- LeiLani, aka Radiogurl aka Bright Opal (1957 - )